AM I LIVING?

I opened my eyes, and it was still dark outside

I found myself sobbing, not knowing what’s causing the pain.

You cannot see what’s going on,

 Because what’s going on is too deep and dark for you to see.

Everyone is smiling and talking, and happy

I am thinking, how are you so happy when

I am screaming inside!

I was told that I was meant for the cleaner life,

But the sorrow lasts like a winter night;

It’s strong, cold, long and lonely.

Meanwhile the world goes on, when the happiness breaks down with the dawn.

And, I am here lying on the floor as cold as ice, not knowing what’s causing the pain,

Your heart tearing statements or it’s just my body shedding blood all over again.

I want to leave,

But I can’t;

I am bound by the will I never made,

But I cannot give up!