I killed the girl i used to be!

I killed the girl I used to be!
Do you ever miss the way you used to be, the way you use to dress, the way you used to view life around you or the way you used to love or the way you use to hold onto things and the way you used to think and maybe the way you used to accept love.
I mean I miss my old self sometimes. I had some habits I miss them. I miss that bit about myself. I have heard this actually a lot depression and anxiety changes you, depression and anxiety changes you inside out when I was in that phase it was insomnia which resulted in me being staying up all night until sunrise. I miss those late night sessions of music and writing and reading and studying.
but the fact that if you miss a toxic thing it does not mean you need it back in your life.
of course insomnia needed and presented me amazing things like the all night reading sessions and also taught me the bitterness of your coffee starts settling in once you actually start to feel it instead of just drinking it.
But if I ever wanted them back that dark phase would also come back.
I also told a certain person sometime that don’t judge me by past because I don’t live there anymore.
it is very truly said the depression and anxiety causes a lot of things and that you do get stuck in your own body. And it did kill some parts of me.
when Taylor Swift said that her old self could not come to the phone because she was dead, I got it, I felt it. The old me doesn’t exist anymore which doesn’t mean that I have changed entirely, but sometimes the little things inside you that changed are kinda like a small death.
I have mourned the loss of the person who used to wear beach tropical dresses and black flats, but now I don’t mind being in black and sturdy sneakers.but I also celebrated the death of the girl who used to play amazing sports,but when someone made fun of her in a bad way she stopped, who made terrible choices, who got into relationships, broken one’s because she craved for love and then broke her self. though she collected her pieces and walked away well being very strong.
I truly had changed.
Five years ago, I probably would have let you walk all over Me and I would have been fine by it.
Four years ago, I would have made fun of you even if I would have been guilty for doing the same thing, being a hypocrite.
three years ago I refuse to believe that everyone has their own problems everyone is going to the same hell just on different levels dealing with the different demons. I always thought my problems were the worst.
2 years ago, I would have never opened up to you the way I will now because believing that the fact no one deserves to know me like that.
and a year ago I wouldn’t have the courage to tell people I overcame depression just in the fear that they would judge me.
I’ve always said this to everyone in my posts that we need to be accepting we need to be welcoming and we need to be kind because it takes nothing instead just saves some lives.
I am not the same person a year ago and i am more than okay with it because I know I have grown, not just by age, but with mind, and ethics and value and ideas, my believes and everything inside me. And it is wonderful. So yes I killed the girl I used to be. But also I love the new me. And do not apologize for evolving, all that a stagnant pool of water does is it spreads sickness.
And you don’t want to be sickening do you.
Ciao for now.