IS JEALOUSY A SIGN OF LOVE ?

Many people glamourize jealousy by saying it’s a sign of love. It’s not! It’s a sign of insecurity and reflective of seeing your partner as an object to be possessed. It’s a negative emotion stemming from both desire and insecurity, but not love. Conversely, if you love the fact someone is possessive about you, it stems from your debilitating need to be loved and be taken care of, even at the cost of your freedom

What is Jealousy?

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Jealousy and possessiveness are not safe cocoons. It’s a prison where the prisoner has to behave as per the rules and insecurities of the jailor or be punished for it. There is no space or regard for trust, individuality or personal growth. Your love for your partner and your desire to see them happy will be used as a means to whip you into subservience and to force you to bow down to their demons. None of it is healthy, desirable or productive. None of it will create harmony and long term happiness.

To truly love is to trust. To allow those you love to blossom, be the best they can be. To be protective and not possessive because being protective is to care about them and being possessive is all about catering to the self.

Why We Feel Jealous?

Jealousy is often thought of in the context of romantic relationships: a boyfriend who forbids his girlfriend from talking to other men, for instance, or a person who can’t stand to see her old flame post pictures with a new partner on Facebook. But the feeling can occur in almost every type of human relationship—from siblings competing for parental attention to coworkers trying to impress a respected boss.

Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed—as a signal or a wake-up call that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps need to be taken to regain the affection of a mate or friend. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.

How to Deal With Jealousy?

Even though it may feel taboo, simply acknowledging jealousy’s presence can both help ward it off in the future and strengthen a relationship in the present. Exploring the emotions that underpin jealousy can inspire self-reflection that may help to develop internal coping skills. Being honest with the other party about jealous feelings can spur productive conversations about what the relationship might be missing and how to repair the bond

Valuable though it can be, jealousy also has the potential to fuel damaging behavior. It can compel someone to obsessively monitor another’s communication, relationships, and whereabouts; attempt to lower their self-confidence; or even behave violently.

FAQs

Why am I so jealous?

Research has identified many root causes of extreme jealousy, including low self-esteem, high neuroticism, and feeling possessive of others, particularly romantic partners. Fear  of abandonment is also a key motivator.

Are men more jealous than women?

Men and women both feel jealousy. Some evidence suggests that in the context of romantic relationships, men feel greater jealousy about sexual infidelity  (real or perceived), while women tend to feel more jealous about emotional infidelity.