Tag: #choice #life

When you least expect it

Surroundings are all around and you assume that people are staring at you which is not real it’s only a trauma and fear of being in Surroundings because you’re still processing to overcome totally. You are afraid of getting dragged again into that past phase where you’ve suffered a lot in an afloat and even in present you’re working on it.Taking steps one after one fearfully like a single wrong step can ruin whole things,things that are going nowadays smoothly a bit. That wrong step may be to be in an unwanted environment or carrying complicated conversation or to stay alone all the time or there may be triggering elements replayed in your unconscious while you sleep.

Everywhere there is fear fear fear and fear of getting betrayed ;no idea how it will. Ignoring all these happenings with great efforts you restarted new life where there is no harm you checked,no negativity checked in practical life the only thing you have to focus on is your health,your passion and on your coming bright everything you assume is good and effective but suddenly something arrives. Neither in your workplace nor in your home it arrives in your unconscious mind where no one is real,not even the place. Suddenly it starts when you go to bed after a long tired day to reduce the stress but as soon as you sleep your unconscious starts dreaming of all the bad ruckus ,chaos and negativity which starts reminding of all that affected you in the past. For a few days you got no affection for it,but as much as time is going and unconsciously replaying all bad stuff very smoothly you failed to neglect.

It is like a reminder of fear of getting betrayed that you have faced worsened which you never want to deal and even you don’t have that much courage to face that situations in coming time,it’s something you can avoid those past happened things but cannot deal with it again but mind is playing against your body and allows unconsciousness to triggers you in that way where you can’t even breathe while you sleep.

Depression

Some feelings are like old familiar friends, Depression is like that for me. When I’m not in it, I don’t remember.I remember it’s bad,I remember darkness,but it is different to feel it again. It’s the difference between remembering what a room looks like and actually walking through the door in that room. Being inside it again, feeling it again.
When depression starts,it can be slow at first.An instructive thought appears,“I don’t want to be here”and assume it’s gone like you bat it away like a fly or a bad smell. But when it hits you fully though when you are really in it,it’s everything;It’s Who you’re, you’re nothing else. On the outside, You look the same smiling and pretending is so much work but inside it’s a different story. You start to hate yourself, you’re so alone;so unbelievably Alone. And you can be with someone you Love but you’re not really with them.


“We think we know what’s going on with other people,but we don’t.You never really know what’s going on inside someone else’s head. Everyone’s fighting a battle;you can’t see.” We all have blind spots. And you know it’s you,it’s something wrong with you and it’s also exhausting: so goddamn shitty and exhausting,it’s helpless. It’s a void and existing takes so much energy,you want to sink into a hole of nothing where no one talks to you and you don’t have to smile or talk or be.


Anyway, it’s familiar, I’ve been here before, gotten out of it before but getting out of the part becomes the room that you remember but aren’t in; and that’s what’s Scary.

To_The Second-Person-You

To

 The Second-Person

  You

For you; Always be you!

                And if I say,

                I’m there for you;

                Indefinitely,

               it is an add-on to be more you.

               You check,you rely,you observe 

               and you test me too; 

              That is all I allow only for you!..

For you;I’m being for real as always I amuse to be!

              I trust, i tease,

              I tweet on your treat;

              Infinitely it gonna be, 

             Hence,

           you mean a lot to me since you met!…

       From   

                                                                                        Yours you

Note: Written and expressed by Ghufrana but neither only by her and nor only for specific one.

Okay??

Basically everyone expects the normal student lifestyle with proper and regular routine or schedule to follow for a student even that student too.But Eventually mine is bit different.Different lifestyle is not a decision of mine but the wise decision is something that to accept this difference.
  Like all other students I’m also a student of a regular class of academic course at a high named Central University.But the thing is I’m not capable of interacting with people or Hodge podge anymore,The reason behind is something I’m not blaming but before Corona pandemic i was not that what I’m now.I feel anxious and low from deep down to be in gathering,it’s became tough to hear more than one sound hitting my ears,even sunrays and a close conference room makes me uncomfortable.
But taking these all wisely i chose to work from my room ,even class work , activities, projects and all doing individually that makes me feel really good.My elders and professors are understandable enough.I order food or cook sometimes,i ate,i do work like personal stuffs too,I enjoy myself ,watch movies,series etcetera it’s also appreciable for me to write about my lifestyle cause I’m living my own way with no glitches or now atleast and it’s working literally,every well wishers hoping to see me out or be social like before i was,but here I’m not only hoping but working on it too.
    What do you think,does it sound like a normal lifestyle?If I’m the only one who is facing this? The answer is Big Noo…
    As of now things are getting recovered after the pandemic, One after one has faced different phases but the outcome is the same It is Anxiety, depression or phobea and many health issues as well as mental issues. They try to be social,to be active and involved like they were before Pandemic.But there and then remember one thing that things will get worse when we push it to show surroundings that we are okay and internally we continuously go deep down by doing this.


    So just let it be,
    If you don’t want to be in gather just make a space where you can feel atleast not bad than to be in gathering.
   If you don’t wanna hear something/someone just listen to you for yourself to make Comfortable atleast.
   Don’t wanna go out or see something just feel for yourself and work yourself to do productice that can be seen for a single time atleast.
   Atleast eat a bite and drink a drop to immune your brain that is continuously running without break.
   Don’t wanna describe yourself to anyone,just don’t do but focus on yourself to make your personality and let it describe your victory.
   Not feeling okay is too short to say,just don’t say… but i have one oath to say that is;It’s totally okay to not be Okay. Okayy?