Tag: TOXIC

TOXIC MASCULINITY

BY: VAIBHAVI MENON

The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered “toxic” due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. The socialization of boys in patriarchal societies often normalizes violence, such as in the saying “boys will be boys” about bullying and aggression. Self-reliance and emotional repression are correlated with increased psychological problems in men such as depression, increased stress, and substance use disorders. Toxic masculine traits are characteristic of the unspoken code of behavior among men in prisons, where they exist in part as a response to the harsh conditions of prison life.

Other traditionally masculine traits such as devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one’s family, are not considered to be “toxic”. The concept was originally used by authors associated with the mythopoetic men’s movement such as Shepherd Bliss to contrast stereotypical notions of masculinity with a “real” or “deep” masculinity that they say men have lost touch within modern society. Critics of the term argue that its meaning incorrectly implies that gender-related issues are caused by inherent male traits. The concept of toxic masculinity, or certain formulations of it, has been criticized by some conservatives as an undue condemnation of traditional masculinity, and by some feminists as an essentialist concept that ignores the role of choice and context in causing harmful behaviors and attitudes related to masculinity. toxic masculine norms are a feature of life for men in American prisons, where they are reflected in the behavior of both staff and inmates. The qualities of extreme self-reliance, domination of other men through violence, and avoiding the appearance of either femininity or weakness, comprise an unspoken code among prisoners. Suppressing vulnerable emotions is often adopted to successfully cope with the harsh conditions of prison life, defined by punishment, social isolation, and aggression. These factors likely play a role in suicide among male prisoners. Toxic masculinity can also take the form of bullying of boys by their peers and domestic violence directed toward boys at home. The often violent socialization of boys produces psychological trauma through the promotion of aggression and lack of interpersonal connection. Such trauma is often disregarded, such as in the saying “boys will be boys” about bullying. The promotion of idealized masculine roles emphasizing toughness, dominance, self-reliance, and the restriction of emotion can begin as early as infancy. Such norms are transmitted by parents, other male relatives, and members of the community. Media representations of masculinity on websites such as YouTube often promote similar stereotypical gender roles.

The concept of toxic masculinity has also been criticized from a feminist perspective. Andrea Waling and Michael Salter have argued that the concept of “toxic masculinity” in contradistinction to “healthy masculinity” emerged from a misunderstanding of Raewyn Connell’s 1987 work on hegemonic masculinity. To Waling, “toxic masculinity” is problematic because it presents men as victims of an unavoidable pathology, an essentialist approach that ignores the surrounding social and material context and the personal responsibility of men. Instructing men to practice “healthy masculinity” dismisses androgyny and adopting aspects of femininity as valid options for men, thereby perpetuating gender binaries and privileging masculinity over femininity.

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

BY: VAIBHAVI MENON

A toxic relationship as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.” While every relationship goes through ups and downs, a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones. Toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants. And these relationships don’t have to be romantic, friendly, familial and professional relationships can all be toxic as well. people who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner — whether intentionally or not — often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious. “Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing.” “They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder, such as depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, any form of trauma.”

Even good relationships take work. After all, our significant other, our close friends, and even our parents aren’t perfect (and, oddly enough, they may not see us as perfect either). We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their idiosyncrasies, their faults, their moods, etc., just as they must learn how to do the same with us. And it’s worth it. Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. We are not clones but individuals, and some individuals in relationships are going to have more difficulties, more disagreements. But because we value these relationships we’re willing to make the effort it takes to keep them. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being. These relationships are not necessarily hopeless, but they require substantial and difficult work if they are to be changed into something healthy. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it (more about this later). The importance of understanding what defines a toxic relationship is elevated in a global pandemic.

Pandemic precautions have us spending more time at home. Many of us have lost the outlets that bring balance to our social, physical, and mental health–work, friends, the gym, school. Isolation at home can shed new light on the indicators that a relationship is toxic, meaning recent months have been key in identifying unhealthy patterns in our relationships. In April 2020, the Journal of Clinical Nursing reported that “home can be a place where dynamics of power can be distorted and subverted. Often without scrutiny from anyone ‘outside’ the couple or the family unit. In the COVID‐19 crisis, the exhortation to ‘stay at home’ therefore has major implications for those adults and children already living with someone who is abusive or controlling.”

POLLUTION

Pollution is described as the introduction of different wastes into the environment. These material wastes are called pollutants. Pollutants may be either natural which is thrown away by natural disasters, volcanic eruptions or man-made trashes like factory washouts, plastic wastes. Pollutants are harmful as they damage the quality of natural resources such as air, water, and land. Pollutants mixing in the air have a direct impact as they enter the body directly while breathing. Pollutants that mix in water also creates a hazardous effect on people’s life. People residing near the construction and manufacturing work areas are diagnosed with relatively higher hearing ailments. This contributes to noise pollution. Similarly, there are varieties of pollution in our surrounding world, some of which are unaware of by us. The fact is, we humans are the ones creating all this pollution without thinking about neither our life nor the future world and life. It is very difficult to construct a zero-pollution world. Still, the level and consequences of pollution could be decreased by taking some measures and being more sensible.

TYPES OF POLLUTION

AIR POLLUTION – Increasing industrialization has paved the way for poisonous gases to enter the atmosphere. This in turn creates adverse effects like respiratory and other diseases in human beings. The carbon and its oxides released by the burning of coal and fossil fuels are absorbed by the trees. But as we started cutting trees to find areas for accommodation, these carbon oxides mix the atmosphere and pollutes it. The fresh oxygen we breathe thus gets contaminated and can give rise to many skin diseases and respiratory disorders like asthma, bronchitis, etc. These impacts could be decreased by following afforestation and reforestation and adopting the use of natural gases and biogas.

WATER POLLUTION – Introduction of industrial effluents, pesticides and insecticides, domestic waste, detergents, and fertilizers contaminate the water bodies. Water pollutants are released directly to the nearby water sources without proper treatment. These pollutants in water mix up with all the water bodies and finally contaminate the ocean by the formation of algae which creates a threat to aquatic life. It also generates unfavorable effects on humans and affects the food chain. It causes communicable and non-communicable diseases like cholera, typhoid, dengue, etc. This could be prevented by conserving water, treating sewage before it is disposed and use of eco-friendly products.

SOIL POLLUTION – Soil pollution refers to the existence of chemicals, toxic compounds, salts, and radioactive elements in the layers of soil. Discharge of toxicants from industries, stagnation of polluted water, heavy metals, and other solvents stay in the soil and make it infertile for cultivation. Due to this, the texture and quality of the soil are lost damaging the growth of plants and organisms living in the soil. Percolation of dirty water, dumping of fuels and oils, dumping of pharmaceutical and other medical wastes also adds to soil pollution. These influence humans indirectly through the plants that we consume as food. Industrialists should follow the environment protection norms strictly and individuals must start practicing the 3Rs – Reduce, Reuse and Recycle the to lessen soil pollution. 

NOISE POLLUTION – This form of pollution is increasing and creating an unsafe environment. The increase in sound levels becomes dangerous for living creatures and causes several disturbances in society. An increase in industries, technology, use of vehicles, parties, bursting crackers, and loud political meetings contribute a lot to noise pollution. Unlike, other pollution, noise pollution can also bring about serious issues like hearing impairment and other troubles in the eardrums. Not only humans, but this kind of pollution also badly hits the wildlife. We must become aware of these unnoticed yields and help in building a safer and better society.

CANCEL CULTURE

BY: VAIBHAVI MENON

“It Isn’t Hate to Speak the Truth.” Cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles whether it be online, on social media, or in person. The expression “cancel culture” has mostly negative connotations and is commonly used in debates on free speech and censorship. The notion of cancel culture is a variant on the term call-out culture and constitutes a form of boycotting or shunning involving an individual (often a celebrity) who is deemed to have acted or spoken in a questionable or controversial manner. The concept of cancel culture has been criticized on the grounds that people claiming to have been “cancelled” often remain in power and continue their careers as before. The practice has also been defended as an exercise of free speech.

To many people, this process of publicly calling for accountability, and boycotting if nothing else seems to work, has become an important tool of social justice — a way of combatting, through collective action, some of the huge power imbalances that often exist between public figures with far-reaching platforms and audiences, and the people and communities their words and actions may harm. But conservative politicians and pundits have increasingly embraced the argument that cancel culture, rather than being a way of speaking truth to power, has spun out of control and become a senseless form of social media mob rule. At the 2020 Republican National Convention, for example, numerous speakers, including President Trump, addressed cancel culture directly, and one delegate resolution even explicitly targeted the phenomenon, describing it as having “grown into erasing of history, encouraging lawlessness, muting citizens, and violating free exchange of ideas, thoughts, and speech.” Actually ending someone’s career through the power of public backlash is difficult. Few entertainers or other public figures have truly been canceled — that is, while they may have faced considerable negative criticism and calls to be held accountable for their statements and actions, very few of them have truly experienced career-ending repercussions. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, for example, has faced intense criticism from her own fans since she began to voice transphobic beliefs, making her one of the most prominently “canceled” individuals at the center of the cancel culture debate. But following Rowling’s publication, in June 2020, of a transphobic manifesto, sales of the author’s books actually increased tremendously in her home country of Great Britain. As ideological divides seem more and more insurmountable, the line between the personal and the political is vanishing for many people. Even though cancel culture seems to generate few lasting consequences for celebrities and their careers, some people view it as part of a broader trend they find deeply disturbing: an inability to forgive and move on.

Nonetheless, that divide seems to be widening and growing more visible. And it isn’t purely a divide between ideologies, but also between tactical approaches in navigating ideological differences and dealing with wrongdoing. The view that a traditional approach — apology, atonement, and forgiveness — is no longer enough might be startling. But to those who think of cancel culture as an extension of civil rights activists’ push for meaningful change, it’s an important tool. And it’s clear that, controversial as cancel culture is, it is here to stay.

Stop Giving Toxic People Your Time

BE CAREFULL!

Do you ever get upset about the nasty behavior of your co-workers, friends, or even family? Well, if you let others upset you, it’s not their fault.

“It’s not me, it’s him!” is what most of us say. We’re always quick to blame others for how we feel.

We say that others make us feel that way. But that’s false. You decide how you feel about the things that happen in your life.

Events can’t harm us. Our perception of an event harms us. That’s one of the most important ideas of Stoic philosophy.

In other words, you decide what meaning you give to the things that happen in your life. If your friend tells lies about you behind your back, and you get upset, that’s because you decided to get upset.

After all, you don’t control others. That’s why who you spend your time with is a matter of life and death.

The great Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, said this in his Manual For Living:

“Avoid fraternizing with people who don’t share your values. Prolonged association with those with false ideas can only tarnish your thinking.”

It’s something I truly live by. I’ve seen others destroy people’s lives too often to take this idea carelessly.

And I bet that you’ve had your share of, for lack of a better term, “toxic” people in your life.

There Are Two Kinds Of People

  • People with values
  • People without values

I think that less than 1% of the population has values. Values entail nothing more than answers to questions like:

  • How do you treat people?
  • How do you treat yourself?
  • What’s right and what’s wrong?

Here’s an easy way to detect people without values: When you see that someone becomes an entirely different person in a heartbeat — that’s when you know someone has no values.

For example, at our company, we recently hired a toxic intern. The intern turned out to be a different person from the person we thought we hired.

Of course, that’s our mistake. Even though we talked extensively about values during the interview process, we didn’t detect any warning signals.

And everything was fine during the first week. But as soon as the intern found a partner in one of our other interns, things started to change.

All of a sudden, with this new-found support, the intern started gossiping, trying to manipulate others, and causing mayhem. Fortunately, we identified it quickly and communicated that we have a zero-tolerance policy for toxic behavior.

It’s not an unusual thing in organizations. People often hide their true colors. I should say, they hide the fact that they don’t have colors.

When you lack values, you automatically gravitate towards natural human behavior. And that’s very dark. I recently read 12 Rules For Life by Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist, and a professor at the University of Toronto.

His fundamental proposition is that people are malevolent and that life is suffering. To prove that statement, Peterson shares compelling examples of human history with us.

He’s right. People have always lied, killed, and deceived their way through life.

But There’s An Alternative

Look, you can easily go down the rabbit hole of nasty behavior. Just spend enough time with bad people — eventually, you will become one of them.

You can also fill your days with gossiping, lying, and manipulating others. And you’ll probably also feel good when you do it. A sense of power, no matter how it’s achieved, gives people satisfaction. That’s how our minds work.

So when you recognize someone who doesn’t have principles, shows nasty behavior, and has multiple personalities — step away.

Instead, surround yourself with people who want the best for you.

Not with people who are jealous, can’t see your success, and thrive off negativity. I think this is important to realize for anyone who wants to live a good life.

A few years ago, when I started to live a conscious life, I had to say goodbye to people who only wanted to live a life of pleasure.

And I’ve also seen other friends that started to change their life for the better but were dragged back into the bottomless pit of darkness by others.

But as you and I both know, life is also full of warm and caring people. It’s not all bad.

Be Stingy With Your Time

“You’re the average of the five people you spend your time with.” It has become such a cliché. But I don’t think that we truly understand the impact that other people can have on us.

Like Epictetus said, others can tarnish your thinking. Is that worth it?

Look at it this way. Would you give $1000 to the people in your life if they asked for it? If the answer is no, stop giving the people who don’t share the same values as you, your time.

I’ve narrowed down the list of people I spend 90% of my time with to my direct family and my two best friends. Other than that, I spend my time working and exercising. That’s what I mostly do. And I’ve never enjoyed my life this much.

So if you have a job you love, and a few people in your life who you love, you don’t even have more time to spend.

Nothing else gives more satisfaction than having a meaningful career and a strong family.

“But what if my family is toxic?”

Inspire them to change for the better. I don’t give up on my family. Even if it takes 10 years, I will still try to help them.

Create Your Values, And Stick To Them

To live a virtuous life, you need principles. Without principles (or values), we have no character. And without character, we’re nothing.

“Who cares!”

Well, you should care. You’re the one who looks in the mirror every day. Are you happy with what you see?

That’s the only measure I have for my life. I must like the person I see in the mirror. If I don’t like that guy, I’ll change. That’s what I’ve always done. And that’s what I still do every day.

Improve Yourself

What’s the alternative? Like Peterson concludes in his 12 Rules For Life, there’s no other viable option for life.

There’s only one path to happiness: Forward motion.

You need the promise of what could be. You need a path to a better life. None of us is perfect.

It doesn’t matter if we ever reach our desired destination or not. What matters is that we keep improving.

Dig Deeper

If you want to hear more thoughts on why you should surround yourself with good people, listen to my podcast episode about it.

Toxic Positivity: To Not Become Numb About The Downs of Life

Has it ever happened to you, that when you are speaking about some problem, you have been told, “People have it worse”, “Look at the bright side…” or, “This shall too pass” ? What did it make you feel? Or, is it something you tell yourself?  So, why is it something which is not very helpful sometimes. The simple reason, positivity is an emotion, and emotions cannot be forced.

Positivity and optimism are essentials for a satisfying and peaceful life. To be bitter and negative about things, and life in general, not only slowly burn out one from inside, but also have unfavourable effects on their social life and relations. But being over-positive doesn’t always help too. Life has its own share of ups and downs. And it’s not always possible to see the good side, because sometimes, there aren’t any.

According to California based psychiatrist Gayani DeSilva, toxic positivity is “ insincere positivity that leads to harm, needless suffering, or misunderstanding”. Positivity is a healthy practice to have. It can help to sort the thoughts, plan well, and give the energy to face the world with a smile. But bad days are also a part of life. Somedays, it is just too overwhelming to keep a smile on the face, or a bright thought in the mind. Toxic positivity is, when someone fails, or refuses, to acknowledge this. Cheering up a friend? Not listening to what they are actually saying and rather encouraging them to forget it or pointing out the silver linings will not help much in the long run. It will only serve to discourage them to not share their actual, authentic emotions regarding incidents. 

When faced with toxic positives on a personal level, people often tend to feel guilty about ‘feeling down’ or not being ‘upbeat’. This happens so, because they get conditioned to believe that the negative feelings are inherently bad. This avoidance and guilt, itself, takes a toll on the mind. That beats the ultimate goal of being positive, to be at peace and happy. 

Also, it gets harmful when optimism and positivity shrouds over reality. Positivity should help us grow, rather than giving an illusion that everything is as good as it can be, thus stagnating the personal growth. Constructive criticism, from the inner self and from the well wishers, are not perceived as negative or jealousy. Things and works are not always perfect, and if that can be made better, then it should be tried to make that better. Hence, it won’t do anyone any harm listening to someone pointing out a problem, which can be overcomed. 

Acceptance should be within oneself, be it for our own experiences or for someone’s narration of ordeal. Dismissing or downplaying someone’s experience, even unconsciously, in the favour of looking only to the positive outcomes, doesn’t do justice to that person. Instead, the attitude should be listening. Whatever it is. Because they have lived that, and they know what they are speaking of. The essence of sharing should be to let go of the emotional burden, instead of hiding the worse parts out of the fear and shame of judgement.

Even when living it through. The acceptance of the negative parts of an emotional journey helps us to emerge stronger, wiser and more experienced. Positivity can only hold its true meaning when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to feel down. It’s the same as how we appreciate the beauty of the sun rays after spending a night devoid of it. That is the beauty of emotions, to be able to feel.

Website Reference:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-positivity-during-the-pandemic#What-is-toxic-positivity?

https://dailygreatness.co/blogs/be-your-own-guru/49767237-when-positive-thinking-becomes-delusion

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/17/health/toxic-positivity-mental-health-wellness/index.html

Chocolate Poisoning: Comfort For Us, Catastrophe For Our Pet Friends

Chocolate is one of the favourite foods of human beings. A gift, a comfort food, a truce, you name it, chocolate has everything covered. And it is unanimously favourite in almost all the age groups, but more in the younger ones. All and all, chocolates’ demand isn’t going down anytime in the near future. And speaking of tasty treats, we are taught to share it with friends. But are they good for our furry, pet friends too? Actually they aren’t! 

Animals, especially the commonly domesticated ones, are susceptible to chocolate poisoning. Chocolate contains a compound theobromine (C7H8N4O2), which is an alkaloid found in the cocoa trees. Apart from chocolate, this alkaloid is also found in tea leaves, kola nut, etc.  It has resemblance to the stimulants like caffeine and theophylline, and can be classified as xanthine alkaloid. For now, the median lethal doses for the cats, dogs, rats and mices are commonly known.

Alkaloids are organic compounds with a typically basic chemistry, but they also contain some compounds with neutral, or even slightly acidic properties. They all, uniformly, have a bitter taste. In nature, bitter taste is a danger indicator, and hence, are produced in several plants, like cocoa plant, as a response to the avoid predators. Animals, under the usual circumstances, do not consume the cocoa seeds. Even if some animals consume the cocoa pods, they dispose of the cocoa seed, despite their fat content, most likely due to the high amounts of theobromine.  

But, in chocolate, cocoa’s bitter flavour is partially or fully masked by the added sugar and fats. Hence the animals, especially the ones whose taste buds can detect sweetness, like dogs, have a tendency to consume them. Cats, on the other hand, due to absence of ability to detect sweetness, are not very prone to consuming chocolates accidently. 

Even in human beings, it can cause effects on consumption above a limit. The lethal dosage 50% (LD50), which happens to be the quantity that can kill 50% of the individuals of a particular species, in humans happens to be 1000mg/kg. At a consumption level of 0.8-1.5g/day, symptoms like sweating, headaches and trembling are observed. At 250mg/day, limited effects on the mood is observed. Along with human beings, rats and mices also have a good tolerance to theobromine, with the LD50 levels being 837 mg/kg and 1265 mg/kg respectively.

But, cats and dogs have comparatively lower quantities for LD50. The dogs drop down at the 300mg/kg level, while cats are at 200mg/kg. Hence, even a small amount of cocoa consumption can be harmful for them, especially for the smaller sized individuals. Also, the type of chocolate consumed is an important factor in the theobromine poisoning cases. The dark chocolate items contain a very high amount of theobromine concentration. In comparison to that, milk chocolate contains relatively smaller concentrations (10 times lesser than dark chocolate). Unsweetened cocoa powder is the most concentrated. 

The early symptoms of chocolate poisoning include vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, increased urination and mood swings.Dogs and cats digest theobromine slower than the human beings, and hence, are susceptible to succumbing to chocolate poisoning. Clinical symptoms of poisoning can last upto 72 hours. More severe symptoms include epilrptic seizures, internal bleeding and cardiac arrests. All these can lead to an eventual death.

If identified early, chocolate poisoning is treatable. Veterinarians treat these cases by inducing vomiting within two hours of ingestion, and by administering benzodiazepines for seizures. 

But whatever be the treatment, the ordeal is painful for the animals. And as the old saying goes around, “ Prevention is better than cure”. So, the least we can do for our beloved pets is to keep them safe from accidental consumption of harmful items.

Website Reference:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theobromine_poisoning

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theobromine

Say ‘NO’ to Toxic Relationship

“Someone can love you and still do things to disrespect you. But when Someone truly respects you, they won’t do things that they know will hurt you.”

Relationships are not always beautiful; many people face several issues in their everyday lives with their partners. But, there is a considerable difference between arguments and toxicity. To understand whether you are in a toxic relationship, here are a few points you want to look through. It never is easy to accept the fact that your partner might be toxic to you. So, read through the signs given below, and if they match with your situation, you need to say “NO” and get out of the toxic relationship.

Signs to know if you are in a toxic relationship:

  • Increase of mental stress: If you experience an increase in your mental stress, whenever your partner is around, you definitely need to get out of this relationship.
  • Presence of violence: If you go through regular physical abuse, in your relationship, you are definitely in a toxic relationship. 
  • Frequent judgment: If you are always judged by your partner, for each and every action, be assured your relationship is definitely poisonous.
  • Narcissistic partner: If your partner is full of narcissism, and is more in love with themself, and has no time to spend in the relationship, you are definitely in a toxic relationship.
  • No interaction: If you and your partner lack communication and spend most of the time in awkward silences, or worse, on your mobile phones while being in the same room, you definitely need to rethink your relationship.
  • Avoiding each other: If you both tend to avoid each other’s presence and feel much happier when the other person isn’t around, you both have to move out of the relationship as soon as possible.
  • Immensely controlling habit: If your partner is hugely insecure and needs to control you to feel secure, you have to realize that this is not a healthy habit, and hence, leave the toxic relationship behind.
  • Cheating on you: If your partner cheats on you, and betrays you often, you need to come out of the relationship, and never look back. Don’t doubt your worth, because the other person didn’t realize your value.
  • Makes you feel unworthy: If your partner makes you feel less, or undeserving, you need to end the relationship with them, right then and there, because that would be the beginning of you doubting your self-worth, which leads to the poor mental condition later.

Staying single is much better than living in a toxic relationship. Most of the time, toxicity leads to depression. It becomes immensely hard to get the bad feeling out of the system once you are filled with self-doubt and lack of confidence. You need to put an end to toxicity, for your own benefit, to keep your self free from stress and physical hurt. Keep in mind that you need to report about your partner, if you go through physical harm, and take legal action against them. Don’t be afraid that you won’t experience love anymore. Trust me, one day, you would meet the person who would love you, and never even dream of hurting you in any way. All you need to do is work on yourself and wait for the right person!