You woke up and you decided to choose fear. A fear that overcame you every time you decided on doing something exceptional or exiting or different from the usual. That fear even scared your shadow in doing something uncanny and that fear was so strong that you didn’t even get the time to regret what you just did. That fear made you take stupid decisions like, rejecting the people who love you or not being able to perform even the simplest of tasks or just loosing contact with everything that was beautiful in the world including the human beings you wanted to be yours. And finally when you got hold of your surroundings, of your real self again it was too late.
It was too late to say sorry, to say that you were out of your senses because you were not, you were under the spell of your own fear and that made you go for a wrong life decision. You fought well for yourself, with yourself, but you never recognised that the need was to fight the devil called unknown fear. You lost in your game, in your own life and you thought that fear of uncertainty will leave you once you could make things better or normal again but you were wrong all along. For you were not to make things okay but you were to get rid of the fear but you failed. This failure in leaving the fear behind, got you to the failure in life and even when you tried you just lost the sparkle you once owned.
It must have been disheartening for you losing it to the fear of the unknown but did that fear actually broke your heart? Or did it just get you an ache that you could not forget? You tried getting busy in the worldly pleasures only to come home to an empty room or rather a room full of despair, disappointment and rejection. That room you wished for to be filled with fragrance of flowers of your honesty, fruits of your true nature but rather there was just fear that smelled delicious to you then. You attempted and looked outside of the window seeking any light, some light of hope or optimism to teach you how to live without fear but in that moment you rather accepted defeat for you didn’t see any beam of positivity.
When your world came to a standstill for the ills you had performed or all the actions you had been proud of you believed it to be the new normal. You accepted that you had lost at life and just then, you saw what you had been waiting to see. You saw the end of the tunnel, it was not close, not near enough to even have a clear view but you knew it was there. You felt it. You finally felt the pressure being dropped off your chest, you felt lighter, much lighter than you had ever been in your life, you felt free. You assumed it to be the new beginning, a fresh start without the baggage of the past, of the fear but you were proven wrong, again, by the witch of words. The words you had hoped would clear your sky for you, didn’t tidy up even the slightest of your discomfort but rather brought you back to the starting of the tunnel, for this time the fear was even stronger than before and you were losing it all again.
You believed you stood an opportunity to make things right, but it was a thorny path to follow. The path where you knew everything, where there was no uncertainty but rather you were well versed with every inch of it. There you saw your beam again and you thought you were just in time to grab it, that finally you would be free and liberated from all the struggles you faced, from the sense of regret that hit you once in a while, but just when you were about to catch it, its tail slipped your hand and you saw it going away from you, this time forever, for you were again in the same pothole, where even if you try hard you fell again and again for you knew it was the hole of the fear of the unknown and no matter how hard you tried you were not able to leave it all behind, leave it all in the past and that’s the reason why you still live without what you asked for but with the fear of the unknown.
