Am I really arrogant or am I just confident? How to deal with people calling me over-ambitious or arrogant when I am just working towards my dream?

Let’s first dive into difference between pride i.e., self-confidence and arrogance.

As we discuss previously, pride is having satisfaction over our abilities and our accomplishments.

Previous article: https://eduindex.org/2021/07/22/pride-prejudice-and-aggression/

Arrogance is having excessive pride over one’s or a particular group’s accomplishment to an extent wherein we believe that our abilities are nothing compared to others and the success would have come sooner if I had done it alone.

In psychological context, there are two kinds of pride. 

• Authentic pride- Positive feeling about ourselves, loved one’s success, our actions after successfully coming out from comfort.

• Hubristic pride- It usually involves ego coupled with arrogance. Has an exaggerated self-concept.

PRIDE

1. Any act that boosts our self-esteem, building trust about what we are capable of, and recognizes it, accepts our flaws. It pushes you to perfect your talent and bring forth a blooming personality.
2. You accept the potential of those working with you and try to form a group that will put in collective work to achieve your collective goal.
3. Values other’s input and doesn’t hesitate to ask for guidance.
4. Accepts constructive criticisms, filters their work to make it more productive.
5. Never slacks off.
6. Is aware of strengths, weaknesses, and areas which can be improved.
7. Keeps striving better (Knows that knowledge is boundless).

ARROGANCE

1. Believes that I have everything I need and that my gifts are beyond immeasurable.
2. Believes that I have no flaws and cannot make a mistake or create complications from my actions.
3. Every bad outcome is due to the people affiliated with my work.
4. Looks for external validations.
5. Thinks that there is no need to practice or attend meetings because I can win no matter in the end.
6. Is okay to not follow moral rules (Legal ways) to achieve my needs.
7. Other’s input is worthless (but will take others’ great ideas making it own saying you got this idea from me) and find them distracting.
8. Works alone even though being a part of a group activity.

SELF-REFLECTION

If you need to know, whether you really are being arrogant due to impatience or intentionally or people are envious of your success, potential; self-reflecting on your actions, thoughts, and intention will help you resolve your doubts and get back on track with change in yourself or environment.

Self-reflection: Ability to witness and evaluate our own cognitive, emotional, and behavioral processes. To give an objective thought about your behaviors, thoughts, attitudes, and desires.

You work hard, burn the midnight oil, respect everyone and their opinions, and achieve success. But in the end, you get judged as an overachiever, arrogant and rude. Those judgements try to bring your down, make you doubt yourself.

 Well, let me just highlight that it is okay. These doubts usually arise because you care about how you respect not only yours but others’ effort that goes into bringing about results which is beneficial for everyone.

Look at few differences I have mentioned above and reflect.

Are you dismissive of your colleagues’ efforts? Do you assure them to implement their ideas but you end up doing completely different without informing them? Do you go late to meetings and displace your external anger on their capabilities?

Few more points to take note of:

1. Not being honest about their work, where you want improvements, and blaming entire failure on their recklessness. (This is concerning leadership).
2. Thinking you are superior and forcing rules obnoxiously while you try to put them down.
3. Seeking constant validation.
4. Yes, you have achieved great things, burnt that midnight oil but boasting about it is not going to change the outcome of your efforts. You have to keep learning and communicate and inculcate views of your colleagues to bring the best out of them and to bring about a team with the same goals and motivation.

Negative critics/members with less motivation, insecurity and less self-esteem may see you with the lens blurred with their issues.

Reach out, write a diary, and find out ways to bring out the best in you. People will usually have prejudices regarding your ethnicity, your way of leading, the cause of your goals, gender, religion, race, color, and everything that has nothing to do with you or your work but everything about themselves.