Changing towards change

I am about to quit from one of the online course but something made me stick to it. May be its due to the pressure I feel by doing nothing or may be its due to influence of some other mates who quitted from the course. I never had a courage neither to quit nor to admit the fact of dropping. I do nothing and thing of everything. The only thing I last is feeling pressurised by doing nothing.

My scores are low and I stand in last position . Only thing I undergo is scoldings from mentor. Intially I submitted my code by pasting from some other external source and had been in safe zone. One thing my mentor made me realise is that I gain nothing by doing so. So I stopped copying and started nothing which makes me stand in again same position. One of the thing that hit me hard on my face is by seeing the confidence and courage of other mates who are doing problems on their own. I know that confidence is more than enough to live under any circumstances. I was one of them long back and now I feel ashamed of myself to think in a position where I stand.

Some gut feeling inside me is trying to eat me from inside. I want to change but that change is constant. I have to work because I can work. I must work because there is no other alternative. One of the review meeting made me to introspect me. I should work hard for myself. I keep on escaping from everything else. I can withstand in it once I get out of this feeling. I am one of the kind who tries to motivate others but lacking behind in self motivation. I can and I will.

The greatest battle that I am having right now is fighting with myself. I should come out it and face it. I will start working from now because I should never regret for doing so. I never had a feel of feeling regret in future but now the only time my gut feeling is making me so something. If I fail doing so I will definitely regret it later. Something inside me is trying to warn me. Hope I could make it possible because it’s possible.