Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position. 

Empathy is, at its simplest, awareness of the feelings and emotions of other people. It is a key element of Emotional Intelligence, the link between self and others, because it is how we as individuals understand what others are experiencing as if we were feeling it ourselves.

Empathy goes far beyond sympathy, which might be considered ‘feeling for’ someone. Empathy, instead, is ‘feeling with’ that person, through the use of imagination.

On the other hand, sympathy involves understanding from your own perspective. Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding why they may have these particular feelings. In becoming aware of the root cause of why a person feels the way they do; we can better understand and provide healthier options.

“Unsympathetic” is a word that may be used to describe a person who lacks empathy. Someone may also use the terms “insensitive or “uncompassionate” to describe people who lack empathy.

Signs of a Lack of Empathy

• Being extremely critical of other people.
• Blaming the victim.
• Not forgiving people for making mistakes.
• Feeling like other people are too sensitive.
• Not listening to other people’s perspectives or opinions.
• An inability to cope with emotional situations.

What causes lack of empathy?

Low emotional intelligence, burnout, and stress
Being under prolonged stress may also lead someone to be less tolerant of other people’s behavior and have lower cognitive empathy. In some cases, emotional avoidance may also be a reason why someone may not develop or practice empathy.

Elements of Empathy

Understanding Others

Developing Others

Having a Service Orientation

Leveraging Diversity

Political Awareness

1.Understanding Others: This is perhaps what most people understand by ‘empathy’ “sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns”. Those who do this:

·         Tune into emotional cues. They listen well, and also pay attention to non-verbal communication, picking up subtle cues almost subconsciously. For more, see our pages on Listening Skills and Non-Verbal Communication.

·         Show sensitivity, and understand others’ perspectives.

All these are skills which can be developed, but only if you wish to do so. Some people may switch off their emotional antennae to avoid being swamped by the feelings of others.

2. Developing Others: means acting on their needs and concerns, and helping them to develop to their full potential. People with skills in this area usually:

• Reward and praise people for their strengths and accomplishments, and provide constructive feedback designed to focus on how to improve. See our page on Giving and Receiving Feedback for more.
• Provide mentoring and coaching to help others to develop to their full potential. See our pages on Mentoring and Coaching Skills for more.
• Provide stretching assignments that will help their teams to develop. See our page on Delegation Skills.

3. Having a Service Orientation: Primarily aimed at work situations, having a service orientation means putting the needs of customers first and looking for ways to improve their satisfaction and loyalty.

People who have this approach will ‘go the extra mile’ for customers. They will genuinely understand customers’ needs, and go out of their way to help meet them.

In this way, they can become a ‘trusted advisor’ to customers, developing a long-term relationship between customer and organisation. This can happen in any industry, and any situation.

4. Leveraging diversity: means being able to create and develop opportunities through different kinds of people, recognising and celebrating that we all bring something different to the table.

Leveraging diversity does not mean that you treat everyone in exactly the same way, but that you tailor the way you interact with others to fit with their needs and feelings.

5. Political Awareness: Many people view ‘political’ skills as manipulative, but in its best sense, ‘political’ means sensing and responding to a group’s emotional undercurrents and power relationships.

Political awareness can help individuals to navigate organisational relationships effectively, allowing them to achieve where others may previously have failed

Empathy, Sympathy and Compassion

There is an important distinction between empathy, sympathy and compassion.

Both compassion and sympathy are about feeling for someone: seeing their distress and realising that they are suffering. Compassion has taken on an element of action that is lacking in sympathy, but the root of the words is the same.

Empathy, by contrast, is about experiencing those feelings for yourself, as if you were that person, through the power of imagination.

Three Types of Empathy

Psychologists have identified three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy and compassionate empathy.

• Cognitive empathy is understanding someone’s thoughts and emotions, in a very rational, rather than emotional sense.
• Emotional empathy is also known as emotional contagion, and is ‘catching’ someone else’s feelings, so that you literally feel them too.
• Compassionate empathy is understanding someone’s feelings, and taking appropriate action to help.

How Do We Empathize?

Experts in the field of social neuroscience have developed two theories in an attempt to gain a better understanding of empathy. The first, Simulation Theory, “proposes that empathy is possible because when we see another person experiencing an emotion, we ‘simulate’ or represent that same emotion in ourselves so we can know first-hand what it feels like,” according to Psychology Today.

There is a biological component to this theory as well. Scientists have discovered preliminary evidence of “mirror neurons” that fire when humans observe and experience emotion. There are also “parts of the brain in the medial prefrontal cortex (responsible for higher-level kinds of thought) that show overlap of activation for both self-focused and other-focused thoughts and judgments,” the same article explains.

Some experts believe the other scientific explanation of empathy is in complete opposition to Simulation Theory. It’s Theory of Mind, the ability to “understand what another person is thinking and feeling based on rules for how one should think or feel,” Psychology Today says. This theory suggests that humans can use cognitive thought processes to explain the mental state of others. By developing theories about human behaviour, individuals can predict or explain others’ actions, according to this theory.

While there is no clear consensus, it’s likely that empathy involves multiple processes that incorporate both automatic, emotional responses and learned conceptual reasoning. Depending on context and situation, one or both empathetic responses may be triggered.

Cultivating Empathy: Empathy seems to arise over time as part of human development, and it also has roots in evolution. In fact, “Elementary forms of empathy have been observed in our primate relatives, in dogs, and even in rats,” the Greater Good Science Centre says. From a developmental perspective, humans begin exhibiting signs of empathy in social interactions during the second and third years of life.

This suggests we have a natural predisposition to developing empathy. However, social and cultural factors strongly influence where, how, and to whom it is expressed. Empathy is something we develop over time and in relationship to our social environment, finally becoming “such a complex response that it is hard to recognize its origin in simpler responses, such as body mimicry and emotional contagion,” the same source says.

Psychology and Empathy: In the field of psychology, empathy is a central concept. From a mental health perspective, those who have high levels of empathy are more likely to function well in society, reporting “larger social circles and more satisfying relationships,” according to Good Therapy, an online association of mental health professionals. Empathy is vital in building successful interpersonal relationships of all types, in the family unit, workplace, and beyond. Lack of empathy, therefore, is one indication of conditions like antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. In addition, for mental health professionals such as therapists, having empathy for clients is an important part of successful treatment.

Empathy plays a crucial role in human, social, and psychological interaction during all stages of life. Consequently, the study of empathy is an ongoing area of major interest for psychologists and neuroscientists in many fields, with new research appearing regularly.

How to Develop Empathy at Work

1.Give Your Full Attention: Listen carefully to what someone is trying to tell you. Use your ears, eyes and “gut instincts” to understand the entire message that they’re communicating.

Start with listening out for the key words and phrases that they use, particularly if they use them repeatedly. Then think about how as well as what they’re saying. What’s their tone or body language  telling you? Are they angry, ashamed or scared, for example?

Take this a stage further by listening empathically . Avoid asking direct questions, arguing with what is being said, or disputing facts at this stage. And be flexible – prepare for the conversation to change direction as the other person’s thoughts and feelings also change.

2.Consider Other People’s Perspective: You’re likely familiar with the saying, “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” Examine your own attitude, and keep an open mind. Placing too much emphasis on your own assumptions and beliefs doesn’t leave much space for empathy!

Once you “see” why others believe what they believe, you can acknowledge it. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with it, but this is not the time for a debate. Instead, be sure to show respect and to keep listening.

When in doubt, invite the person to describe their position some more, and ask how they think they might resolve the issue. Asking the right questions  is probably the simplest and most direct way to understand the other person.

3.Take Action: There’s no one “right way” to demonstrate your compassionate empathy. It will depend on the situation, the individual, and their dominant emotion at the time. Remember, empathy is not about what you want, but what the other person wants and needs, so any action you take or suggest must benefit them.

And remember that empathy is not just for crises! Seeing the world from a variety of perspectives is a great talent – and it’s one that you can use all of the time, in any situation. And random acts of kindness brighten anyone’s day.