Tag: Personal Habits

Personal Habits: Over-Apologizing

How would it feel when a person you know apologizes for something which isn’t their fault? If someone dashed into him, he would apologize saying, “ I am sorry, I didn’t see you coming my way.” There is a limit for everything and after a while it feels weird to hear them say sorry for so many things. 

There are so many factors that lead you to apologize for things. It could be how you have been raised or it’s something you have seen your family do, maybe it’s how you see the world. Apologizing is good for finding peace in conflicts or relationships. You say sorry for the mistake you have made so you don’t repeat it again. It reassures a person that you genuinely didn’t expect the outcome that has come and you want to amend your mistake. 

You should not apologize for something you have not done or you have done for something that needed help. When you dash into someone, you apologize because you should have seen him coming, but you shouldn’t apologize for someone who dashed into you when you have been standing quietly. 

A lot of people apologize for the reason of avoiding conflict or because they feel that they made the other person feel bad. It usually is either of them. Sometimes, it’s guilt that drives them. Guilty for joking/pranking, guilty for ignoring them, guilty for not asking them or the feeling of guilt for putting themselves first.

Reasons why you feel like apologizing:

  1. You were taught to put others first: When you were a kid, you saw someone fall down. You rush to their aid and lift them up with your itty-bitty strength, and they thank you for helping them. You are praised by your family and the incident’s talked about at various family gatherings. It gives you the feeling of responsibility and makes you feel that you have to put others first and it should be your priority over anything. Fast forward to now, your friends ask for your help on their project, and you rush. You complete their project but yours gets delayed. Your sir calls you out in front of the class saying that you delay your work because of your laziness and your friend doesn’t stand up. Neither do they tell the sir after nor give you credit. You don’t say anything because your friend was first even if you were called out. You apologize to sir because you couldn’t finish it and not for helping your friend before yourself.

Truth: By putting others first, you don’t gain much but you do lose out on time that you could have used for yourself. If you had taken time to complete yours along with theirs, the work would have been completed quickly and efficiently with time to go over errors.

  1. You were taught to help others without seeing what you need: You always gave your grandpa medicine on time, you helped your mother in cooking, you would take the newspaper to your dad along with his morning tea/coffee, and you were always told to help people. Today, you help someone, no matter how much stress/workload you have. They ask for anything and you help them out. Sometimes, it’s just a text to their crush on how to ask out and you help them, despite the deadline of your project. So you apologize when you can’t help them because you are placing yourself first.

Truth: You need to see what help you need first so you can complete the necessary task at hand. The text can be sent anytime but your deadline can only be given once. You need to help others but you need to see if it is something that actually needs help.

  1. Scolded when you placed more importance on yourself: A lot of children are told to share and to not be selfish. If you have 2 chocolates, give it to your friend because you are a “good boy/girl”. After growing up, whenever you need new shoes or your family needs a new appliance, you choose the second option because it feels like a need but yours feels selfish.

*Appliance is used twice and placed for “Future Use”*

Truth: Sometimes, being selfish is good. You need new shoes and your home has enough appliances. By getting new shoes, you will stop getting the foot ache that you have been facing for the past 2 months. If you get new shoes, then you can work with more focus and more energy. 

  1. Avoiding Conflict: In most cases, when you were a kid, your tantrums would cause your parents to scold you and you would face punishment, or your friends would distance you because you get angry frequently. The last one pushes a child to socializing issues and causes anxiety on how others perceive them for every single action they take. So, they apologize whenever someone raises their voice a little bit, no matter what the conversation is about. They want to avoid the conflict because they don’t want to face what happened earlier and become outcasted.

Truth: You will face conflicts in future, either in relationships or friendships, you need to understand why you should apologize and for what you should stand your ground. Conflicts are what brings people closer to understand the other person better by learning their needs. If you never have a fight, how will you know what the other person actually feels?

  1. Harmed someone in childhood: When a kid unknowingly harms someone, they get scared and cannot move because they don’t know what to do. Their mind goes blank and they freeze because this feeling is new to their system and it’s hard to know what to do next. The kid is then scolded and constantly lectured over and over again to the point the kid feels anxious to touch a person. When they grow, the anxiety grows with them and it constantly pricks them. What if the casual punch hit harder than it should? What should I do if I dash into someone a little too hard? Should I give them a handshake or fist bump? What if I punch them too hard? Let’s go with the handshake so I don’t hit them too hard.

Truth: It’s okay to give a fist bump or handshake or high-five to a person whom you know. You just need to relax your mind. If you want to touch the person but are scared of the force you put into it, then show a sign of initiation. For a handshake, raise your hand out in the form of a handshake, and wait for them to accept it. By showing initiation, you let the other person engage and guide you through the conversation.

Saying sorry is well and good but exceeding it drains you of your self-confidence. You are a person at the end of the day and you need to stop saying sorry for that. You are existing which means that you will make mistakes and you will learn, but saying sorry for things that don’t require an apology then it will just drain you. It’s not going to get fixed overnight because you have taken years to build this habit. It will be fixed if you work on it every time you notice it happening.

Thank you for reading this article. It is something I have faced and I have learnt how to overcome it. Leave a comment on how has overaplogizing affected your life and how have you overcome it or trying to overcome it.

Personal Habits: Exercising

Everyone from India has heard the phrase, “ If you get up by 6 in the morning, everything will set in order.” It is a common phrase made for Millennials and Gen-Z. We hear it so often and tried a few times but it didn’t suit your routine. Did you ever wonder why you weren’t able to adopt it? After reading this, do let me know about your thoughts on this.

Exercising in the Morning

Of course, the most common habit among people. Exercising a few hours after you get up is beneficial to your health. It increases blood flow in you as well as trains your muscles. It increases alertness and also energizes you for the day. It’s common to do cardio in the morning with lifting weights before your first breakfast. This helps in burning fat as well as developing your muscle endurance. But why can’t you do it?

Jogging in the Morning increases blood flow and improves body endurance.

The most common reasons are:

  • Sleeping Late: You may have slept late. Even if you have slept around 11PM, if you need 8 hours of sleep then you will get up at 7AM. Your body needs sufficient sleep to get up or it will keep you tired the entire day. You have to plan your sleep schedule in a way you don’t compromise your sleep.
  • Exhausted: If you had a backbreaking day and you are completely exhausted of your energy, then you may not get up the next day at your set time. If this is your regular routine, you may want to change the time you want to get up.
  • Jam-packed daily routine: If your schedule is full on an everyday basis, you need to start prioritizing your work. It may be tough to change your routine but by doing this, you can improve the amount of time you can give to yourself and your new habits.
  • Feeling awkward where you exercise: Am I doing it well? Is my form right? Is my shirt torn? Am I sweating too much? Am I disturbing someone? Are they looking at how bad I am? Are they judging me? It is okay to feel these when you workout. Everyone goes through this and it’s okay. At the beginning it does feel weird to do a workout but we all started as beginners and we also have made mistakes. The only thing that you can do is ask a friend, family or trainer to help you. They may also point out other mistakes that you may have made which you can correct.
  • You don’t want to: Most of the time when you try to build a habit, there is a feeling that says, “This isn’t worth the trouble we are going through” but sometimes, you just don’t want to. You might want to do it to show others or of the stereotypical “healthy person”. If you think clearly by separating your external ideas/thoughts, you will understand why you want to do it.

How can you tackle these problems?

At first, these hurdles feel the hardest to jump over but unless you jump over them, you cannot reach your goal. There will be hurdles along the way and you are the solution to them. You will become better when you start crossing hurdles. Every hurdle you face is a step that you need to conquer and move forward.

  1. Set a Convenient time: 5 AM may be easy for others but it may be difficult for you. It may not agree with your sleep routine, or with your work routine so you quit. Rather, just change the time. If you get up around 7 AM and have to go to work by 10 AM. Make a slot of 1 hour for your workout and complete your morning routine! If you can’t make a slot of 1 hour, carry it to the evening when you come home. 1 hour before dinner, exercise to your heart’s content! 
  1. Change your workout: If you are the ‘No pain, No Gain’ person, sometimes, you may get too sore from your workout which leads to quitting. Rather than quitting, change your workout a bit. You don’t need to change weight, just change what you do. It is very helpful to have a 10-minute cardio session at the end. Not high intensity but something like walking on a treadmill or yoga, will help you recover efficiently.
  1. Get a workout partner: “Sometimes, the fruit tastes better when it’s shared” Get a partner! A friend who wants to workout or a family member who is bored of being alone in the gym, work together at the gym! When you have someone to look out for you, you get more confident and work better. It will also help in improving your form! If you workout with a partner you are comfortable with, you will be able to focus more on your workout than others.
  1. Take Pictures of yourself: When you take pictures of yourself after you workout, you can see the amount of progress that you are accomplishing over time. This way you get to see how far you have come. Every day that you work is a step forward. You and your partner could record each other’s workout and see where you could improve.
  1. 20% of the work gets you 80% of the way: Some days, you don’t feel like working out, you don’t feel like going to the gym but by showing up and doing 10% of your workout makes you feel happy that you came. Just by showing up and starting your workout sets the wheels in motion. By the time you take off your headset, you are halfway through.
  1. Take cheat days/rest days: When you exercise, it’s important to rest so your muscles recover and become stronger. By not taking rest, you are prone to burning out. If the gym is tiring you out way beyond it should, then you need a rest day. Hitting the gym after your rest day feels better because you will feel stronger and work more.

This article is my personal opinion that I have used when I workout and it has worked well for me. Experiment with your workout routines and I am sure you can find something that works well for you. To become better tomorrow, you have to work today. This way, you will become a better version of yourself. All the Best!