Tag: mental abuse

Answers to your questions on mental health !

” What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.” – Glenn Close

Mental health plays a supreme role in everyone’s life . It is mental health only which affects how we think , how we behave , how we feel , & how we cope up with life . It also help us determine how we cope up with stress , relate to others & make choices . It is important at every stage , from childhood to adulthood & aging . This includes our physical , psychological & social well being .

WHAT CAN AFFECT OUR MENTAL HEALTH ?

Many factors affect our mental health , some of them are , biological factors , such as genes & brain chemistry , family history & mental health problems in the family . This affects a lot , because they are present already in you , they are biological factors & outside factors have no affect hand & effect on you mental health . Sometime your very own experience in your life make you mentally ill , experiences such trauma , abuses , accidents leads to poor mental health . Not only biological factors , family history or bad experiences affect our mental health , but our way of living the life decides the how our mental health is . Our diet , food habits , physical activity also tells us our state of mental health . you can improve your mental health by meditating , doing yoga , by involving in physical activities .

What are the signs that I might have a mental health problem?

When it comes to your emotions, it can be hard to know what is normal and what is not. There are warning signs that you may have a mental health problem, including

  • A change in your eating or sleeping habits
  • Withdrawing from the people and activities you enjoy
  • Having low or no energy
  • Feeling numb or like nothing matters
  • Having unexplained aches and pains
  • Feeling helpless or hopeless
  • Smoking, drinking, or using drugs more than usual
  • Feeling unusually confused, forgetful, angry, upset, worried, or scared
  • Having severe mood swings that cause problems in your relationships
  • Having thoughts and memories that you can’t get out of your head
  • Hearing voices or believing things that are not true
  • Thinking of harming yourself or others.
  • Not being able to perform daily tasks like taking care of your kids or getting to work or school

WHY IS MENTAL HEALTH IMPORTANT ?

Mental health is very important , it tells you how to behave to a particular situation , how to cope up with stress . It helps us to stay physically fit & mentally strong . By being in good mental health one can carry good relationships with everyone . It increases your work productivity , helps you to contribute a handsome amount of efforts for the community . It makes you realize your full potential & caliber with which you can outshine anywhere & everywhere.

Myths about Counseling

Mental health challenges affect millions of people around the world. In any given year, unfortunately, misconceptions and myths around counselling and talk therapy often discourage people from seeking help and contribute to the stigma surrounding mental health issues. The truth is that counselling has the ability to help almost anyone with mental health concerns, social issues and personal development. But another truth is that every person is very unique – they will respond to and experience counselling differently and a method that works for one person is not necessarily going to work for someone else. If you have tried counselling before and didn’t find it helpful we encourage you to try again, with a different counsellor and/or different method.

Myth 1: Counselling is only for major issues or “crazy” people : Yes, counselling can help you through major life issues and traumas but those aren’t the only situations where counselling can work for you. Sometimes we just need someone unbiased to talk to about a situation or feelings we’re having – and that’s okay. It’s normal to seek help for problems large and small or simply when you’re not feeling quite yourself and you don’t know why. Counselling does not need to be used as a reactive measure when life gets hard. It can also be preventative and help provide you mental and emotional tools and strategies to use in future times of stress. We see physicians for prevention through annual check-ups – we can think of counselling in the same way.

Myth 2: Admitting that you need help and going for counselling means you’re weak: The concepts of weakness and vulnerability tend to get confused with each other. There is vulnerability in sharing what you’re going through and what you’re feeling, but that is not a sign of weakness. It is courageous to open up to someone. It’s an act of strength to take steps to better yourself when you’re not feeling your best. Vulnerability is not a weakness but rather a quality to take pride in, not be shameful of.

Myth 3: Counselling doesn’t help or will make the situation worse : Every person is different, and every person has different needs – the results from counselling are not going to be identical for everyone. But most of the time, counselling will provide you with support, new perspectives, and a plan to tackle your problems.

Myth 4: The counsellor doesn’t know me, so they can’t help me : When things aren’t going quite right and we want advice, we turn to our family and friends – people that know us and care about us. Having social connections is extremely important for maintaining mental wellness but our loved ones normally don’t have the skills or the objectivity needed. We’re not recommending that you turn away from loved ones or that their advice can’t be helpful, but counsellors are an excellent additional resource to guide you through difficult times. An unbiased, impartial trained professional can give insight into the situations and feelings that you’re having that you would not be able to get from people that are close to you. Professional counsellor’s training and experience can help beyond the well-intentioned advice of your loved ones.

Myth 5: Counselling takes a long time and costs a lot : The length of time, or number of sessions needed with a counsellor will greatly vary depending on many factors, such as:

  • How long you’ve been dealing with the issue
  • The severity of the problem
  • The time you need to make any necessary changes (i.e. Habits, copying mechanisms, etc.

Myth 6: Couples counselling is only for people that have problems in their relationship : Just like you need to water a plant to make it grow, or practice an instrument to master it, you also need to work on a relationship if you want it to thrive. Take the plant analogy – you wouldn’t just water your plant when its leaves are wilted and it’s near death. You would water it on a regular basis, even when it’s healthy looking and vibrant. Working on skills with your partner like communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy when your relationship is strong, is just as important as building on those skills when times are tough. Having the desire to improve your relationship with some help doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t good or that it won’ last – it means that you care enough about your partner to invest in the relationship.

Myth 7: They will blame my parents for everything : Every struggle you go through is unique. And the process to heal from those struggles is going to vary. Much of your work with your counsellor will be guided by you – the areas of your life you want to focus on: past, present and future. For some situations it can be helpful to analyze your past and see how your environment and the people around you shaped how you respond to things today. Some situations are best solved by looking at current behaviours. Regardless if you and your counsellor analyze your past or your present, the most important thing to keep in mind is that counselling is not about assigning blame, but learning how to have a healthy mental outlook and have healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Myth 8: All counsellors are the same – If you didn’t have success with one, counselling won’t work for you : You don’t “click” with every single person you meet and everyone doesn’t respond the same way to the same exact form of any kind of treatment. Counsellors and counselling treatments are no different and not every counsellor will be a perfect fit for you. That’s okay. We want you to see results from your counselling experience. When you request counselling from Calgary Counselling Centre, we ask many questions to make sure you are assigned to the type of counsellor you prefer and that you’ll receive the type of treatment that is most likely to achieve the best results. If after a few sessions the relationship with you and your counsellor doesn’t seem to be a match, you can request another counsellor. We promise, your counsellor will not be offended by this, on the contrary, they want the best for you.

Does only physical abuse counts as Domestic Violence?

The term violence refers to the intentional hurt which a person gives to another person in order to fulfill their motive which is to see the other person in pain. Now, the type of violence which we know is the one which is visible to our eyes i.e. if the victim’s body showing an evidence of any kind of hurt , then it is considered to be a violence but what about the mental and emotional trauma that the person(the victim) has to suffer due to this “physical violence”.

We hear the cases of major fights on the road, or any mob outrage , the culprits are charged against various sections which provides punishment for basically only the visual harm but if the mental trauma of the victims is also to be taken into consideration , then the charges pressed will be so many.

Domestic violence in the same way is a term which is constituted to take the women under its shed if they suffer any kind of physical abuse from their husbands or their in-laws. The term domestic refers to anything which is related to the establishment of the family i.e. mainly the issues that happens after marriage as it is when the formation of a family actually starts, traditionally speaking . When a woman gets married in India, she is considered as a multitasking robot and also referred to as Goddess Lakshmi , the Hindu Goddess who symbolises money and prosperity. Until recently I thought that the reason of the reference of a married woman to Goddess Lakshmi is because the arrival of a daughter in law in a family is considered to be auspicious and she is regarded as the carrier of fortune and also she is the carrier of the future generation of the family thus prospering the family with happiness. I was so wrong. The reference to the Holy Goddess of Wealth is because the arrival of a new daughter in law in a family brings a lot of money to the family which the new woman brings in from her family. This money in older terms was refferred to as a ritual, a set of gifts which the Bride’s and Groom’s family and friends gives to the newly married couple in order to help them set their new household. In today’s terms these never ending lists of gifts which commonly includes luxurious items for every member of the family and in the cases when this demand is not meant , the woman has to bear the wrath which sometimes lead to her being burnt alive. The bride is basically seen as a no repayment bank which will solve all the financial problems of the family and the consequences when the expectations are not met are horrific to say the least. If not death, then the hits , rape by other males of the family with husbands consent , continues for a life time.

Not to mention the emotional and mental trauma which a woman has to suffer. She stands at a threshold in these cases because if she dares to escape this turmoil by going back to her parents house, she will labelled as “tainted”, and a thousand other faults will be found out in her which will be humiliating for her family. AND no girl wants their family to face humiliation because of them. This is just one instance of one of the type of domestic violence that is very prevalent in India. Mental and emotional abuse are also a very popular form but not many are aware of it because there is no provision for the law to find the damage to a woman’s mental stability that has been caused by the family she has been married into. Now, the term “affecting the mental stability” does not means that a woman gets completely retarded but the trauma which these instance causes which leads her to question her self worth, her confidence, her judgement and eventually she becomes a puppet in the hands of this patriarchy.

This blog will provide some insights into the causes, affects and the consequences of the mental abuse which a woman has to undergo.

Causes of Mental and Emotional abuse

In India, there are several definitions to define a good wife. These may include her “respectful” sense of dressing which in a traditional way prohibits an exhibition of even an inch of skin except when she is wearing a saree, catering to all the demands of her husband from being his washerperson, cook, maid even his frustration box to leash out his frustration which may include either physical abuse or marital rape. Oh! the term marital rape does not even exists nor in the judiciary(not for woman who are legal adults) nor in the dictionary of the patriarchy. These all things are termed under “wife duties”. Amidst all these we tend to forget that the woman is also a human being with emotions and feelings and is supposed to be respected. Mostly after marriage a woman is made to give up on her career , if she had any( as daughters in India are nothing but a liability who are educated to just financially help their partner if the need arises in future. Though this concept is changing now but is still prevalent for 70 percent of the households) to concentrate better on her family. She is put under constant restrictions and is constantly judgesd for everything she does. This takes the identity of a woman. She starts seeing herself just as a wife , a daughter-in-law, a mother, but never as a person. The snatch of this basic freedom to do the basic things can led to decline of confidence and cause a trauma which even after years still continues to haunt.

This basically comes as a result of the supremacy which one gender wants to show on another. Marriage is a bond of togetherness, and whenever we combine to persons in a closed spaces some compromises have to be made by both the parties to accommodate and live but the problem arises when just the female is expected to change herself.

consequences

This emotional and mental trauma then becomes a sort of family heirloom which is passed from one generation to the other. I call it as a sadist thing to feel one’s peace through the trauma of others. This the biggest consequence of the mental trauma that a woman has to undergo that these all things becomes natural to her and without her even realising the fact that she is becoming a part of the same system she lets the emotion of revenge take over her. It is a revenge cycle which continues where a mother in law tries to dominate her daughter-in-law using all the measures without involving any physical abuse at times, “because this is how it has always been” is their counterargument. Whereas, the mothers who have been dictated all their lives if has no sons to transform this heirloom to their son’s wife, then transfers it to her daughter by being extra dominating and dictating her life to such an extent that she looses all her self confidence, develops self loathe and is left with no esteem. Ironically, these very qualities which sets a human different from an animal is snatched just to have a “long period of marriage”, the words “happiness”, “success of marriage” being hidden. Because in India what matters is the time period of the marriage not the happiness and compatibility of the two individuals sharing this Holy bond.

Every female in India has to suffer some restrictions which comes as a protective measure by the families against the raising of number of crimes against woman but the problem arises when her personal decisions such as the choice of her inner garments are also being dictated upon by the females of her family. When she is made to got through those rude snides questioning her character if she ever as much as laughs with a member of the opposite gender who is not family, when her self dependence is shamed and when she constantly becomes a box for all the frustrations .

Anubhav Sinha’s bollywood directorial THAPPAD starring Tapsee Pannu proves my point of woman being a frustration box no matter what the financial condition of the family is.

What we can do to stop this is STOP PASSING TRAUMA AS A HEIRLOOM. It has to stop at some point otherwise the wrath which it emits will risk the future of even the coming generations.