How to win friends & Influence people is a beautiful book about building a human relationship which was first published in 1937 with 500+ copies.
How was Book written:
used to conduct the educational course for business and professional men and women in New York on public speaking and later on wrote the book.
Before Dale wrote this book, he made thousands of research and practice of what was being told in the book. Research, investigations, and experiments on public relations were held in Carnegie foundation for the advancement of teaching.
Also, Researches were held at the Carnegie Institute of technology which revealed that
“Even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15% of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85% is due to skill in human engineering- the personality and ability to lead people”.
A person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas is the person headed with higher earning power.
In preparation for this book, Dale Carnegie read from every resource possible which included reading biographies of successful people, research papers, reading magazines, news reports, psychologists, and also engaged multiple employees for research work for years to get themselves involve in libraries reading about success and dealing with people. He also shared that he went through multiple biographies of the same person, again and again, to extract exactly what was required.
The book was definitely not written out of word but was written out of experiences of thousands of adults.
After 15 years of research and proper revised studies came to this book which within time turned to be the best seller and around 18 million books have already been sold.
How will this book change your life:
This book will be a total failure for those who are reading and not practicing the actions described in the book, Dale calls this book an Action Book. Knowledge is never known if action is not made with it. Once you start reading the book you will get to know that it is divided into segments in the form of chapters and the author described that if you complete 3 chapters and find there is no change that occurred in you then this book will be a total failure for you.
Remember: This Book is an action book.
Nine Suggestions on How to get the most out of the book:
- A deep desire to learn: If you have vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people keep reminding yourself that how these principles will lead to getting a richer and happier life.
- Read each chapter thoroughly :
Read each chapter and practice what is been written considering it as an action book. If you are merely reading just for fun then you will not get the best out of the book.
- Stop frequently reading:
Don’t read in hasty, you will not get anything like this. Just think about how can you practically implement each suggestion.
- Mark what is important:
Keep your crayon, pen, pencil, highlighter, or sticky note and mark what you feel is important giving it a 4-star rating (****)
- Review and apply:
Reading something thoroughly will not provide results, keep the book on your desk and keep revising it every month. Consider this book as your handbook. Keep constantly impressing yourself by applying this everywhere.
- Learn by Doing:
If you desire to master building human relationships apply these rules.
- Charge yourself penalty
Ask your near once that after violating any rule. They ask you a specific amount. Make this a mastery game.
- Maintain an engagement book:
Keep a record of all the appointments, meetings, call to be handled. Along with writing down your task for the week and do follow them, if you miss any at the end of the day notice why did you fail to do that and if you succeed doing any compare with the failed one and again try, this way you will surely improve.
- At the end of the book, there are several blank pages provided to write down if you applied any suggestions and it worked the way described in the book. Also put the date, where it was applied. Keeping such records will inspire you to do more and better.
So these are the rules which are to be followed while reading this book.
Dale guaranteed 100% success if followed the rules in the same manner written.
How to win friends is divided into 4 parts:
- Fundamental technique in handling people.
- 6 ways to make people like you.
- How to win people your way of thinking.
- Be a leader: How to change people without giving offers or arousing resentments.
Dale Carnegie excellently explained all these parts by 100’s of examples of great leaders like Abraham Lincon, Benjamin franklin, and many.
This book will help you achieve that how you can deal with people effectively, achieving your target to get your work done. I won’t mention everything about the book but yes once you start reading I promise this will be a life-changing handbook. When I first started reading, I went through the rules of how to get the most out of the book and followed all 9 rules mentioned above.
Some of the fundamental techniques in handling people
PART 1
- Don’t criticize condemn or complain.
If you complain to anyone maybe your friends, family members, siblings, or anyone else then that is the biggest mistake you are attempting. Rather if we start appreciating about small things they do, that will generally make them more to do. If you find mistakes and criticize people, eventually will end up person stop doing work with the same enthusiasm.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation
This principle is key to success making people turn to your side which can be achieved by appreciating fellow members and your teammates. Wonder you do some work for any organization and your boss appreciates you honestly saying “You did an incredible job, and we need a client like you”. What would you do after listening to this?
Yes, obviously we would want to work more with more potential to be appreciated in the same manner and get that feeling of importance.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want
This can be achieved only in one way and that one way arises by giving what person need. If you attempt to make a person agree with your point which ultimately has your benefit how would you do that? We can do so by also keeping the other persons’ need and offer them to make your work done.
PART 2
- Become genuinely interested in other people
We generally fail not thinking other’s points of view. If you want other people to put your point can be only done if you are a good listener and becomes equally and genuinely interested in the other person’s point.
- Smile
Trust me this works magic. Smile is a trick to make another person like you and follow your way. A smile doesn’t need to be a great task for you right?
Just giving a pleasant positive smile can easily make your work easy. Just try!
- Remember that the person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
This is what we all can relate to. Anyone calling us by our name with the best tone is so encouraging making an urge to respect the person who called. This also makes other people get that feeling of importance by loudly addressing him/her name.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
We all like to tell our point and that gives us relief but what if we don’t listen to the other person’s point. Yes, it’s important to equally give importance to other people and hear their views. This will result in a good friendship-making bond stronger and will maintain a healthy understanding with your client, friend, or anyone you are dealing with.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interest
This is how to interest people. Roosevelt said, “All leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures the most”.
- Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
This is about How to make people like you instantly.
William James said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
PART 3
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Opera tenor Jan Peerce said “When one yells, the other should listen—
because when 2 people yell. There is no communication, just noise, and
bad vibrations.”
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong’
Don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t
tell them they are wrong, don’t hem stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way
of thinking, and when we are wrong—let’s admit our mistakes quickly
with enthusiasm.
‘By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you
expected.’
4. Begin in a friendly way
Sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, a friendly approach, and appreciation can make people change they are more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
Lincoln said: ‘A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’
5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.
He who treads softly goes far.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Safety valve in handling complaints.
7. Let the other person feels that the idea is his or hers
This is about how we can achieve Cooperation
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s
This will be one of the stepping—stones of your career. Try to think from another person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
This will stop arguments, eliminate ill feelings, create goodwill. And make the other person listen attentively.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
An appeal that everybody likes.
11. Dramatize your ideas
The movies do it. TV does it. Why don’t you do it?
12. Throwdown a challenge
When nothing else works, try this
PART 4
BE A LEADER: HOW RO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFICE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
If you Must find Fault, This is the way to begin
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
How to criticize—And Not Be Hated for it
3. Talk about your own mistakes before
Talk about Your own Mistakes First before criticizing the other person
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
No one Likes to Take orders
5. Let the other person save face
6. How to spur people on to success
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”
7. Give a Dog a Good Name
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
8. Making People Glad to do What You Want
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest,
Dale Carnegie excellently explained all these parts by 100’s of examples of great leaders like Abraham Lincon, Benjamin Franklin, and many.
This book will help you achieve that how you can deal with people effectively, achieving your target to get your work done. I won’t mention everything about the book but yes once you start reading I promise this will be a life-changing handbook. When I first started reading, I went through the rules of how to get the most out of the book and followed all 9 rules mentioned above.
Guru Teg Bahadur, the 9th guru or apostle of the Sikh religion, is renowned for the extreme valor with which he advocated for the masses’ right to profess their religion of choice. Even in the face of the enemy’s prowess, he staunchly refused to be coerced into conversion ultimately leading to his own execution. He pioneered community wells and langars which provided food to people of all stations. It served to demolish in one simple act of dining together the oppressive caste system prevalent in India. His hymns were appended in the Guru Granth Sahib and provide humbling insight into human life. 
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