Category: Personality and Self Help

On the eve of each new year, people commit to making lifestyle changes they believe will usher in personal satisfaction and happiness. But while an entire industry exists to help people meet these pressing goals.

Living isn’t expensive but trying to live like other make it so

Everything doesn’t happen the same way again. Nothing repeats, but if it repeats, it’s unintentional. Don’t hope the same thing to happen for you the way it happened for your mate. Destiny is different for different people. May be you are meant for another job. Take the pain, feel the pain. You are not the duplicate of your friend. He might have talent in one aspect and you might have in some other. Don’t do what exactly he does, if so you are the only person who is trying to kill your unknown talent.

Being you isn’t doing things in different way which are already done. Doing the undone is becoming you. No one loves their own life and believing in themselves. Always thinking of someones life and feeling to have a life like them is worthless. Be you and make yourself from yourself. Dont try to be like others because it makes your life invisible. If you don’t want your life to be existed then try to live like others. Have your identity because it’s you. You are atleast important to yourself. Atlast you should accept yourself. Have faith in you and being you isn’t wrong. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself.

If not you, whom do you expect to have a respect on you. You should care about yourself. No one cares you because everyone are busy building their lives. Have respect on you because it’s you with whom you gonna spend your rest of the life. Accept yourself, try to remake you and try to change the way you want see you. You can still do whatever you feel you can’t. You can’t feel the impossible, if you felt something, then later on someday it will happen. People won’t thing something that won’t happen. May be it won’t happen now, may be its impossible now. The only thing that is stopping us from doing is the border now. Having a dream that is literally impossible will be possible in future. The impossible present will definitely be a possible future. Future is unpredictable.

Have a composed life rather than rushing towards a life you think better for you. Have a pleasant and calm life. Living isn’t expensive but trying to live like others make it so. Try to live like you and copying is expensive. Be happy and content with what you have.

We Need Empathy not Apathy

“Apathy. What’s hard to understand? They don’t care. Not until it affects them.”

Donna Lynn Hope

For the first few months as an amateur liberal feminist, I responded to offensive comments and sly remarks with, “Would you still feel the same way if it was someone you knew?”

I would gleam with pride as I see them contemplate for a second.

Now, months later I realize the problem in that. Why should something affect us or someone we know and love, to realize the adverse effects on any social, political, economic, ecological, psychological at stake? Why can’t we feel the same pain and understand a stranger? Why do we need it to get personal?

It sounds spiteful to say that we lack compassion, but it’s true.

Here are a few instances where I was put on the spot with pointless questions and remarks that the world will be a better place without. I live in a country, where my religion is the principal religion, where my voice matter, while my peers’ don’t. I choose to use my voice to scream louder than ever to bring about a change in every individual. As a result, I am questioned for choosing to use my privileged voice to advocate for equality, mental health, LGBTQ rights, and against systematic racism, corruption and just anything wrong.

  • None of my family members and close friends are Muslims. Every time I advocate for equality for Muslims, and their basic human rights. I am countered with “Do you have a Muslim boyfriend or something?” Why should I have a Muslim boyfriend, or a friend or even a relative? Why can’t I just fight for someone without having any personal agenda?
  • Another common question I always am asked is, “If you’re so openly advocating for Muslim rights, then why don’t you befriend any Muslims?” It’s simple, I am not an institution, nor do I follow a religion quota. I don’t make friends based on their religion or culture. I will not go and make a Muslim friend just to justify my fight.
  • When I advocate for LGBTQ rights, people question my sexuality. They think I’d be offended. I am offended, not by their question but by their audacity to still think being anything but heterosexual is a joke.
  • When I stand for Black Lives Matter, I am asked if I am not concerned about Dalits, Muslims and every other marginalized community in India. I ask, didn’t you ridicule me for that already?

Many more occurrences come to mind, but my point is made.

We lack empathy. We refuse to understand another without getting something in return. We can’t be so cruel to build a business on emotions and humanity, right?

In actuality, we have a huge fucking empire built on humanity, where they sell corruption and apathy. Where people are exploited and made political prisoners. Where people are killed ruthlessly with word and actions, and further with batons and nails.

We are more interested in who said and did what, and less about the sufferings of the person next door.

Why can’t we each work on ourselves to bring about a revolutionary change. Where we support one another and make this world a better, safer and happier place.

Can your hobby be more than just that?

Most often than not we are running like robots in this fast paced world. We tend to forget about our heath, family, and friends and more importantly about ourselves. When was the last time you actually pursued something you like? This does not mean watching your favourite series or having a movie marathon with yourself at 3 am. Having a hobby that helps you improve yourself in any way is a best way to have a good lifestyle. It also helps you relax and take a break from your work. Most of us are not lucky enough to be pursuing one of our hobbies as a career, but we sure can take it up in our free time and not lose out on it. Now I can understand that making free time for yourself is not easy. And when you finally get some time off your monotonous routine you would definitely want to sleep it off or maybe finish a movie you’ve been eyeing for some time. But trust me you will feel better by doing something you love instead. Don’t get me wrong I know having occasional movie nights and some extra hours of sleep is great but what I’m saying is that make sure to devote some time to your hobbies also. It could even be a mere half an hour but do it. You will definitely see a change in yourself and your mood. You don’t even have to do it on a daily basis even once a week will be enough.

You will understand better if I quote some examples and benefits.

1. Hobbies encourage taking a break. Hobbies offer an opportunity to take a break—but a break with a purpose. If you’re like me, you might like to feel productive while you’re engaging in an activity and a hobby gives you that. You are doing something while still having fun. Hobbies are great ways to take a break from your busy life while still having a sense of purpose. 

2. Hobbies promote eustress. Eustress is that positive kind of stress, the kind that makes you feel excited about what you’re doing and about life. Hobbies, I’ve found, are one of the greatest ways to access that kind of stress. When you’re doing something you love—something you don’t have to do for any other reason other than the fact that you love it—you feel a rush of excitement and joy. 

3. Hobbies offer a new challenge. Hobbies break up routine sand challenge you in new ways, ways that are different from work, ways that are positive. The great thing about picking up a new hobby is that it provides an excellent outlet for challenging yourself without the negative stress that comes from a work-related challenge. The new challenge can also open your mind to new ways of seeing the world. 

4. Hobbies unite you with others. Even if you engage in a solo activity, like illustrating, you’re exposing yourself to a new world of people, people who find the same thing enjoyable that you do. Though I don’t talk much about illustrating in the “real world,” online I find myself connecting with all kinds of people who are passionate about what I too feel excited about.  

5. Hobbies provide an outlet for stress. Adding another activity to your to-do list might seem like a way to create more stress, but I’ve found that engaging in a new hobby actually provides a great outlet for releasing stress. By focusing on a non-work-related task, you’re giving your mind something else to focus on. And when you really get in the flow, all of your worries and stresses seem to fade away. 

6. Hobbies promote staying present. If you really love what you’re doing, you tend to get in the flow or zone and really, truly focus on the moment. When I’m working on an illustration, hours can magically fly by because I’m so intensely focused on what I’m doing. Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, I’m completely and undeniably in the present. 

7. Hobbies have physical health benefits. Research has found that engaging in enjoyable activities during down time were associated with lower blood pressure, total cortisol, waist circumference, and body mass index. Engaging in these activities also correlated to higher levels of positive psychosocial states and lower levels of depression and negative affect. Hobbies are good for your mind and your body.  

Finding a new hobby isn’t always easy. You can’t just force yourself to like something; it has to come naturally. If you don’t already have something you’re interested in (or might be interested in), try new things. Sign up for a class that sounds interesting or ask your friends what kinds of hobbies they enjoy doing. The key to finding a new hobby—and falling in love with it—is keeping an open mind and being willing to give new things a try. You never know what might become your next favourite past-time! Start discovering yourself.

Outside perils

It’s been a long time since I have stepped outside my home. With all such dreadful news flying in the air, stepping out is becoming more and more difficult. And to think about all the precautions that one needs to take, makes going out unbearable. If I think about not going out for a week, maybe a few months back, I would have definitely felt insane. There were days when even though there was no necessity to hop out, I would still go, maybe just for a stroll. In fact, truth to be told, I loved going out for any reason whatsoever.

But something seems to be changing with time. I am losing all my urge to go out. I feel terrified of the fact that I have go out. There can be numerous reasons for my lacklustre life. One, before going out, I have to make sure that I wear clothes which I am planning to give for washing, have to put on my mask, carry a sanitizer, carry a carry-bag, keep my mobile at home and the worst of it all, wear a headgear. To go out, maybe for 5 minutes, even for small reasons, such amount of preparation seems to be very tiresome. Two, on coming back to home, there seems to be series of drum-roll activities which is mandatory, otherwise I will be banned from my home. Upon returning, I have to directly run to the washroom, have a bath, wash my clothes and sanitize myself and everything I have bought. And then i am allowed to enter my room. Such huge amount of patience is needed. But what I now think is that I am not going out, not because of the two reasons. These two reasons are like fillers, trying to rationalize the situation and give a plausible explanation to my brain as to why I am not going out. The real reason, which i realized a few days back is completely shocking for me, even after self-realization.

The sole reason is completely psychological. My brain seems to have completely adapted to the new normal and somehow, with time, I ended up liking the isolation. Whenever chances of going out crops out, I do not get the urge to dress up to go out. My brain have completely accepted the fact that if I stay inside, I will be able to keep away the danger of contracting the infection. The truth is I am trying to delay the inevitable and somehow I got too much comfortable at home. Most of the times, I watch series or I study. Either of the two. I have also stopped ordering food from outside, via delivery boys, underlying reason is the fear of contracting infection. It seems like I have reached the peak where I do not feel the urgency nor the necessity to go out.

But, there is a problem with this kind of psychological fear. As our government is trying to bring about Unlock in phases, I still feel that there is no need to go outside, for the slightest of reasons. There is a very high chance that it might not be just me, many people across the globe might be feeling this. But they might not be comfortable opening up about this. So according to what I believe, that it might be very impressive as to what the government is doing to combat the entire issue, but at the same time, mental health and welfare institutions must also come in fore-front to break this silo and to take steps to rebuild this psychological breakdown.

Source: Self

Trust

Everyone is no one to everyone. You is both singular and plural in English grammar but it’s different in life. It’s always singular and you are only you and no one cares. Caring is done only if you pay. Money makes people and breaks people. If you have money, you can buy anything. Believe no one else you become only one.

Have faith in others but don’t trust others. Being you everytime and thinking only about you is atmost necessary in this cruel world. Have faith and beleive in yourself. No one is going to help unless you help them. Why do anyone help anyone without getting something. Giving is difficult and taking is easy. Beleive the process but not people. Trust no one and have faith in you. Life in this selfish world is so selfless. Living for others make your mates treat you as some other random guy. Never hope for something . Expecting is foolish because you are a fool to expect. Never give and never hope for the return.

Someone is something to you when he expects something to you and you become something when he gets his something. Don’t give atleast a thing and if anyone gives you something to you even before you give them believe him. Trusting blindly is so easy. Don’t give them opportunity because that makes them to have a choice between leading a luxurious life and happy life. Everyone will experience a moment in their life whether to choose a luxurious life by breaking the choice or to have a happy life by keeping the promise.

Believing your children isn’t trust worthy because there are few of them whom we can take as examples. Sometimes trusting yourself is too dangerous but there will be no choice to make because you are the choice maker. Make yourself strong because atlast you will be left alone right beside you to condolence yourself. It’s ok if you betray yourself because it’s better than getting betrayed by some others. Have a great hioe and become a master of making you. Don’t ever try to oversmart yourself because you know who you are.

Improve your mindfulness!

How are you coping nowadays? Is everything going according to what you have planned? Or are you making the efforts to change your ways?

COVID-19 has surely changed our way of living life, doing business and definitely changed our perception of life. Our body was programmed to wake up in the morning, doing personal work, dressing up and heading for work, returning to our loved ones and spending time with our families. But now we wake up and we feel like we are running in circles. Waking up and trying to do everything at one go, with overloaded information and then there is a huge feeling of procrastination and it seems like everything is taking a toll on our mind. Nowadays we are always feeling like doing “more” and “better”, and that too in a very short span of time. Now there is no harm is trying to do more and in a better way, but there should be a pause on this. Our mind is taking its own time to adapt to this drastic change and we should be patient enough to give time to our mind.

Mindfulness. Such a long word and yet so simple. It is a state of our mind where we are aware of the present and we are aware of our own behavior at each moment. Study reveals that it is very crucial to practice and imbibe mindfulness so that we do not feel stressed and depressed. Now is the time, more than ever when such a practice can improve us and make us feel alive more than ever.

A few tips by which you can bring mindfulness in your life:

  1. Wake up early. It is a good habit to wake up by 6 AM in the morning and take a whiff of fresh air. It clears you brain and makes you feel energized.
  2. Meditate. Make sure to meditate for about 10-15 minutes in the morning. It will make you ready for the day.
  3. Read newspaper. Study shows that what we study in the morning, we tend to remember it for a long time. Newspaper or a few pages of your book will open your mind to face the day.
  4. Sip green tea. Obesity is the new form of smoking. To reduce the caffeine intake and to ensure our health is in good condition, switch from black to green tea.
  5. Eat slowly and mindfully. Take small bites and stay away from T.V, laptop or any kind of social media while eating. Let your body and mind to enjoy the food.
  6. Talk to nature. Staying within the closed doors will make us sicker. Take some time out and enjoy the greenery outside.
  7. Check you digital time. Always try to keep a tab on the time you are spending on social media or on the screen. For this one can use Pomodoro Technique.
  8. Follow your passion. Now is a great time of you want to follow up on something which you previously did not get time to do. It will also be good to keep stress at bay.

These are the few techniques which one can definitely follow to practice mindfulness. It is advisable to acknowledge that things are tough but we should also be mindful to not let stress build its house in our mind.

Till then, stay safe and be mindful….

Source: https://www.ellevatenetwork.com/articles/6170-be-more-mindful-7-tips-to-improve-your-awareness

Self love

Self love is a popular term used these days in many normal conversations .Infact some of the self love directives like “You have to love yourself more” ,”Why don’t you love yourself?”, “If only you love yourself ,this wouldn’t have happened to you”, “You can’t love other person until you love yourself first” are either suggested to us or we give to others to more living fulfillment.As most people of this world still ignore self-love. That’s why they still go out in need of others to fulfill themselves and feel like being love. And because of that, most people wind up with unhealthy relationships that destroy their lives. Just because they lack self-love or simply can’t understand the meaning of self-love they believe their lives are incomplete without someone

So now lets talk about what exactly self love or loving yourself means?

Self-love involves getting a strong regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. This implies taking care of one’s own needs and not compromising oneself to please anyone.Its not something you can obtain from beauty makeover or a new set of clothes or having pizza or coming in new relationship, you cant grow self love through these type of activities.

Self love is not only a condition of feeling pleasant but a state of self-esteem. 

Self-love is complex, it evolves by actions that matures us. Self-love allows us to recognize our shortcomings positively and encourage us to improve through them.This would make us more caring, more self-centered about our intent and ideals in life, and in our actions achieve true satisfaction. Self-love is so essential to our lives. This affects us and makes us create meaningful decisions for ourselves.

So now lets learn about how to practice self love:

1So the very first thing you have to do is start every day by saying something really positive like how beautiful you look today, your proud moment, etc., anything that makes you smile.

2.Always preserve your wellbeing proper by consuming and drinking nutritious food that nourishes the body.

3.Fall in love with your skin and you wont notice any weaknesses .You can’t escape your way into accepting yourself

4Stop overthinking, and don’t trust everything you see, as the inner critic in us will would also like to keep us tiny and secure. That would also deter us from enjoying fully our lives. 

5Surround yourself with people who tell you how good and caring you are. 

6.End all unhealthy relationships, particularly someone that makes you feel less than good, doesn’t deserve a part of your life.

7. Learn to enjoy your victories, no matter how big or tiny, and be confident of what you’ve done. 

8.Try focusing on something new from your comfort zone. It’s a very great feeling, particularly after you’ve done something you didn’t expect from what you were good at.

9.Its okay to have unique and different choice because thats what makes you special.

10.Make sometime to calm your mind by doing meditation.

11.Trying doing things that excites you but scares you at the same time and follow your passion.

12.Find something to be grateful for everyday.This will be very helpful especially when you are going through tough days in your life, this grateful thoughts will make you feel better.

13.Its okay to say no.Saying no doesn’t make you bad infant makes you wise.

14.Forgive yourself. You can’t fix anything about the past, however you can control the future. That’s because it’s time to let go and trust about transformation. 

15.Be realistic. There’s no happier person in this universe every single day. Well, why? Since we are all people and all of us have feelings (good or bad) and it’s okay.

16. Find your perfect spot, where you feel good, peaceful, relaxed, relaxed. Think about it, how it tastes, how it sounds, how it appears..

17.Get in touch with your inner dialogue.If its anything that treats you less than amazing encouraging and supportive then its time to change.Treat yourself the same you treat your best friend ,sister or any loved ones.

18. So have fun, go out there and do stuff that spark your passion. Love them, love being you, appreciate your amazing existence.

Being different

Starting to start that has not been started before is a great start. Have guts to innovate something. Being different isn’t doing something that exists already. Create something on your own and work on it. Don’t work on something that is something to someone. Work on something that makes you feel something.

Do it because it’s not done. Doing the undone isn’t that easy. But regular work towards something makes you feel it’s essence. Have a great thought and have a good start. Great things take time but when you are in the process of making it, the time flies. Don’t work if you feel uninterested for the next day. Have a feel to have a feel the very next day. Lead a happy life because money isn’t something that you remember. Have a happy life and do something different if you feel doing different makes you happy. Following is very easy but to gain followers is tougher. Don’t nake your life simple and easy because that’s too boring. Go and experience the unexpected and have a unimaginable life.

Being different is not that easy. The toughest time is to survive the rest. Have a faith, if you can’t believe you then why do you hope for someone to have a belief in you. You must be able to push yourself to the extent where you can be able to push others. Have confidence to gain some others confidence. Have a great thought and have a great zeal to explore the possibility of making something great.

Remember that no one remembers you when it’s time to remember someone. So make something big to have a big name. Being someone is the same thing that every one does. Dieing in downtown is so easy. Make sure to have a great life not a great day. Getting a good job might make your day a good one. Have guts to feel your gut feeling. Feel to have a great feel everyday because that’s something you will have the rest of your life. Life isn’t something you can learn in a lifetime. You have to study the new chapters that were never taught by any of the teachers. You don’t know when the syllabus changes. You have to change your colleges all of sudden. You have to play a game with yourself. If you go for a wrong move there are great chances that you end up by keeping checkmate to yourself. Life is something similar to chess. You will die the very moment you lose. Surviving there as long as you make some fixings with your opponent is how the game is played. If you go for man to man, you end up soon before your start.

Being different is so different because it’s difficult. Easy is so easy because it’s tend to be easy. Dare enough to make a dare move in your life. You will end up dieing whether you play safe or make a dare. Daring to die is better than living like a slave. Change your life because you can. Live a life that was never lived before. Loosing is easy but accepting the fact is so difficult. Die as a gentleman , if you can’t atleast try. Don’t kive just to survive. If you have a chance to create an impression of your life, then try for it. Go for something big because if you fail, there’s nothing to loose. Keep in trying, never quit. Have a different and difficult life. Anyways you will forget all the pain you had and all the gain you had, so better to have a tough one. Believe you are not that easy.

Consistency

Consistent involves reflecting on the present moment and at the same time having a long-term view of the future.And preserving consistency before we achieve our target is important unless and unless we really choose to see a major difference in our lives.

That simply ensures that you maintain a commitment to yourself and others that you are doing what you are continually seeking out for yourself before the time is accomplished. Consistency allows one a firm belief that a aim is not too distant. This requires appreciation and confidence for the role and insists that you be loyal to yourself for long-term sustainable practice.

Consistency keeps us consistent, responsible for your ambitions, aspirations, expectations and decisions. It’s all about creating small motivational routines and behaviors that hold us concentrated on your greatest goals and objectives every day. So through this daily routine, we’ll be able to identify our mistakes or failures and have ample energy to reflect through them and better ourselves.

Maybe the strongest aspect about the consistency is the disappointment when you keep positive the longer you realize how much you’ve come. Because if you’re not clear with the improvements that you’re making, then maybe you’ve been lacking anything or not positive for a long time. Yes, it’s very challenging to be concentrated or stable for a very long time, because the purpose you ‘re failing to be successful is: You are focused on outcome rather than process:

Most people strive just for success or outcomes. The more we fix our attention on the consequence, the more it acts against us..Most of us are so anxious about our outcomes that they shift their focus from their plans to directly to what their outcomes will be.And this won’t be achieved unless without handwork and sacrifice over long period of time.Without going through certain processes that help us to achieve our goal and those where most of us are unable to achieve the result.

If you want to achieve you must build consistency in your plan and for that you need to define your plan:

Plan can be defined in four parts:

  1. Identify your desired outcome
  2. Identify your big ‘WHY’ behind your desired outcome
  3. Start setting goals that will help you to get you towards your desired outcome
  4. And now start working on the processes to accomplish these goals.

 So to make sure that that you follow the right path and willing to follow consistency for long time here are some tips to work for on:

How to develop more consistency:

1. Use morning ritual:

This the most important advice that has actually taught me to maintain my consistencySet an early morning ritual to do as soon as you get up. Because if you continue the day with enthusiasm and something you enjoy, then that also provides a tone for the majority of the day to follow. And as people, we’ve been consistent about what we’ve done before. And that’s one major explanation why bad start always contributes to bad start and good start often leads to good day.

2. Do things even if you don’t feel like it:

Often we don’t like the path that we have to pursue to accomplish our target, or often we feel exhausted or demotivated, but even though events like that happen, we will try to do so to retain our commitment even though we don’t feel like doing it sometime.

3. Stay focused and take the responsibility for yourself not the potential results:

If you concentrate on the plan, you can feel more confident and focused when working on it, rather than desperately looking at potential outcomes that will never arrive as easily as you want.

4.Start loving your process:

If you start enjoying your everyday routine of achieving your target, you will never know the discomfort or commitment of your handwork, and your success will come to you very quickly.

5.Find an accountability partner:

It means that you dont need to broadcast your plans or intentions to the whole world to be accountable.Select one or two trusted friends to share your goal.Give them your timeline and ask them to be accountable.With their support na motivation too you will be helped to remain consistent.

You are here not to live average

I thought of doing hardwork but I don’t untill it’s required. I know that work will done before it had to be done. But if we work to gain something then it’s worth. Completing the work at the last moment for the ske of finishing it doesn’t make it done. We shoukd self analyse the things that are going to be done and introspect us while doing. Intrest isn’t something that comes suddenly. It is something that gets builded over a period of time. Doing a thing repeatedly creates Intrest once we feel intrested.

Don’t work to work. Work for something big. Dream big, think big and do big. Small things are done anyways by anyone. Focus more to become big. Push yourself atleast a bit. Have a good time to live. The only thing that you can’t control is your life because we can die whenever since it’s in our hands. Let your life be lived the way you feel. Have a nice life because it’s you who can make it happen. Thinking big isn’t bad but doing it requires something more than that. Thinking is easy because it just happens the moment you think. Making it happen is something you should think.

Achieve your aim, believe in becoming, care your curiosity, dare to be in danger, enlight the enthusiasm, forget the fear, goal to gain, hope to have, Impress your inside, add Joy to your journey and be the king of your kingdom. I thought of completing all the necessities of the adjectives of our personalities over there, but in order to make you think I am letting you think the rest and hope you start your thinking and stop it by finishing the task.

Everyone will have a goal because it’s easy to have it. But few will achieve it because it’s hard to reach there. To be someone from everyone, you have to do something that everybody will not do. Have a spirit to gain atleast something that you wished. Have guts to get what you felt. Be brave enough to face it because you are here to live only once. Don’t be shy to feel shy. Believe in yourself and behave accordingly. You are no one’s puppet. You can choose your life, but before that have a clarity. Choosing is easy but choosing correct option isn’t that easy. Life is full of choices and it’s easy to be wrong. But leading a life to realise that thing is waste of life. Don’t search for the life. Live the life that you search in your dreams. You are not here to fetch your dollars to your future kids. They can earn their money. You are here to spend your money on you. You is more important than we. Atlast it’s you who will be you and remain with you.

Don’t lead a good life when you have a chance to live best. Do what all you could and don’t make your dream to be the dream if your kids. Your dream should make them dream about their dream. Have a great relaity and live the fullest life. Let us celebrate the life.

FIRING THE BLAME BULLET

The popular game PUBG has weapon attachments that reduces weapon recoil. It makes life easier for the players. Recoil is the backward movement of a gun when a bullet is discharged. It is helpful to know which attachments help players to shoot better and more effectively without hurting themselves in the process due to the tremendous force at which the shots are fired.

In real life when we point the gun at someone, how badly are we affected?

Well fortunately for us, in India, there exists some tight Gun laws except for the water guns’ kids play with during Holi and Gangsters. Hence here I talk about the abstract gun which fires the Bullets of Blame on others. Pointing finger at anybody who is in sight, was my favorite thing to do in any situation.

The blaming gun can also point upwards or inwards. When it points upwards, we blame the Creator for being unintelligent or uncaring or even non-existent. When it points inwards, we beat ourselves down with self-recrimination, “I am good-for-nothing,” ending up unnecessarily with inferiority complex.

How many of you, like me; are blamers? How many of you, when something goes wrong, the first thing you want to know is whose fault it is? Well Hello there, I’m the former winner of the Miss Blamer Pageant and the magnitude to which I blamed others with respect to everything that went wrong in my life was comical.

I’m in my house. I have on white slacks and a pink sweater. I’m drinking a full cup of coffee in my kitchen. I drop it on the tiled floor. It goes into a million pieces and splashes up all over me. And a millisecond after it hit the floor, right out of my mouth comes this: “DAMN YOU CHINA!” For purposefully making these cups so shiny and slippery. Now my entire kitchen is infected by the tiny pieces of ceramic (China clay). The kitchen has to be quarantined until I clean it up…or somebody else cleans it up, never mind.

Now as I have aged, I realized- I’d rather it be my fault than no one’s fault. BUT WHY? Cause it gives me some semblance of control. Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relation with accountability. What is the difference? Well accountability by definition is a vulnerable process wherein I confide to you, “Hey my feelings were really hurt by the things you said/did.” Blaming is simply a way to express anger.

People who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable because we spend all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is. Blaming’s very corrosive in relationships and it’s one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy. Because when something happens and we hear the story, we’re not really listening, we’re in the place where I was – making the connections as quickly as we can about whose fault it was.

SO, DO I START BLAMING MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING?!

In the spiritual path, self-blame is the most dangerous thing. Firstly, stop blaming yourself and others. We don’t have to point the gun at others or our own heads. Let us drop the gun and never pick it up, ever again.

Secondly, we need to come out of the Destiny’s Illusion. Never focus on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. If we keep on focusing on what we can do- Then even if you believe in destiny, it will be a good one for you. Blaming your destiny will close doors to all the wonderful opportunities waiting for you.

A child runs a race with his full speed & energy and yet comes last in it. Losing the race was not his fault but taking part in the wrong race is definitely a mistake worth correcting. To simplify- Making a mistake is not your fault but doing it without your interest in it, is a mistake that can be rectified.

To solve the problem, we need; not a blaming bullet, but a helping hatchet. Not a blaming finger but a helping hand. Making mistake is in our nature. Acceptance of mistake shows our culture and correcting the mistake is progress. I do accept that spilling that damn coffee was my fault, however damn you CHINA for making the cup which broke and spread on the entire floor leaving my kitchen dangerous to walk on freely. * Gun drop * I meant MIC DROP…..phew!

Surrogacy

What is Surrogacy

Surrogacy refers to a contract in which a woman carries a pregnancy “for” another couple. Number of infertile couples from all over the World approach India where commercial surrogacy is legal. Although this arrangement appears to be beneficial for all parties concerned, there are certain delicate issues which need to be addressed through carefully framed laws in order to protect the rights of the surrogate mother and the intended parents.

The ever-rising prevalence of infertility world over has led to advancement of assisted reproductive techniques (ART). Herein, surrogacy comes as an alternative when the infertile woman or couple is not able to reproduce. Surrogacy is an arrangement where a surrogate mother bears and delivers a child for another couple or person. In gestational surrogacy, an embryo, which is fertilized by in vitro fertilization, is implanted into the uterus of the surrogate mother who carries and delivers the baby. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate mother is impregnated with the sperms of the intended father artificially, thus making her both genetic and gestational mother. Surrogacy may be commercial or altruistic, depending upon whether the surrogate receives financial reward for her pregnancy.

Commercial surrogacy is legal in India, Ukraine, and California while it is illegal in England, many states of United States, and in Australia, which recognize only altruistic surrogacy. In contrast, countries like Germany, Sweden, Norway, and Italy do not recognize any surrogacy agreements. India has become a favourite destination of fertility tourism. Each year, couples from abroad are attracted to India by so-called surrogacy agencies because cost of the whole procedure in India is as less as one third of what it is in United States and United Kingdom (10-20 lakhs).

Is Surrogacy Profitable for All

At a glance, surrogacy seems like an attractive alternative as a poor surrogate mother gets very much needed money, an infertile couple gets their long-desired biologically related baby and the country earns foreign currency, but the real picture reveals the bitter truth. Due to lack of proper legislation, both surrogate mothers and intended parents are somehow exploited and the profit is earned by middlemen and commercial agencies. There is no transparency in the whole system, and the chance of getting involved in legal problems is there due to unpredictable regulations governing surrogacy in India.

Although in 2005, ICMR issued guidelines for accreditation, supervision, and regulation of ART clinics in India, these guidelines are repeatedly violated. Frustration of cross border childless couples is easily understandable who not only have to cope up with language barrier, but sometimes have to fight a long legal battle to get their child. Even if everything goes well, they have to stay in India for 2-3 months for completion of formalities after the birth of baby. The cross border surrogacy leads to problems in citizenship, nationality, motherhood, parentage, and rights of a child. There are occasions where children are denied nationality of the country of intended parents and this results in either a long legal battle like in case of the German couple with twin surrogate children or the Israeli gay couple who had to undergo DNA testing to establish parentage or have a bleak future in orphanage for the child. There are incidences where the child given to couple after surrogacy is not genetically related to them and in turn, is disowned by the intended parent and has to spend his life in an orphanage.

If we look upon the problem of surrogate mothers, things are even worse and unethical. The poor, illiterate women of rural background are often persuaded in such deals by their spouse or middlemen for earning easy money. These women have no right on decision regarding their own body and life. In India, there is no provision of psychological screening or legal counseling, which is mandatory in USA. After recruitment by commercial agencies, these women are shifted into hostels for the whole duration of pregnancy on the pretext of taking antenatal care. The real motive is to guard them and to avoid any social stigma of being outcast by their community. These women spend the whole tenure of pregnancy worrying about their household and children. They are allowed to go out only for antenatal visits and are allowed to meet their family only on Sundays. The worst part is that in case of unfavorable outcome of pregnancy, they are unlikely to be paid, and there is no provision of insurance or post-pregnancy medical and psychiatric support for them. Rich career women who do not want to take the trouble of carrying their own pregnancy are resorting to hiring surrogate mothers. There are a number of moral and ethical issues regarding surrogacy, which has become more of a commercial racket, and there is an urgent need for framing and implementation of laws for the parents and the surrogate mother.

Two Types of Surrogacy

A traditional surrogate is a woman who donates her own egg and then carries the pregnancy. The surrogate’s egg is fertilized through artificial insemination with the sperm of the father or a sperm donor. Traditional surrogates are genetically related to the baby because their own eggs are donated.

A gestational surrogate is not biologically related to the child she carries. Gestational carriers become pregnant through the process of in-vitro fertilization, where an embryo created from the gametes (sex cells) of the intended parents are implanted in the uterus for the gestational period of 40 weeks.

Altruistic Surrogacy

In the approach of altruistic surrogacy (where no payment for a baby is made; only those to cover pregnancy costs), it is evident that willing surrogates would be acting in the Post-Conventional Level, at Stage Six. An altruistic surrogate performs the miraculous task of carrying a baby, then delivering and handing it over to the intended parents. To accomplish such a difficult venture requires compassion, a sense of self-worth and self-sacrifice. This is evident in the case of parents Luke and Amanda, whose surrogate mother Lisa displayed an awe-inspiring act of kindness through carrying their baby. This act illustrates Lisa’s characteristics of Stage 6 – despite the controversy the pregnancy may have caused, she was able to act upon her own morals to surrender a baby to deserving parents.

Conclusion

It seems ironical that people are engaging in the practice of surrogacy when nearly 12 million Indian children are orphans. Adoption of a child in India is a complicated and a lengthy procedure for those childless couples who want to give a home to these children. Even 60 years of Independence have not given a comprehensive adoption law applicable to all its citizens, irrespective of the religion or the country they live in as Non-Resident Indians (NRIs), Persons of Indian Origin (PIOs) or Overseas Citizens of India (OCIs). As a result, they resort to the options of IVF or surrogacy. The Guardian and Wards Act, 1890 permits Guardianship and not adoption. The Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, 1956 does not permit non-Hindus to adopt a Hindu child, and requirements of immigration after adoption have further hurdles.

There is a strong need to modify and make the adoption procedure simple for all. This will bring down the rates of surrogacy. Altruistic and not commercial surrogacy should be promoted. Laws should be framed and implemented to cover the grey areas and to protect the rights of women and children.

Changing towards change

I am about to quit from one of the online course but something made me stick to it. May be its due to the pressure I feel by doing nothing or may be its due to influence of some other mates who quitted from the course. I never had a courage neither to quit nor to admit the fact of dropping. I do nothing and thing of everything. The only thing I last is feeling pressurised by doing nothing.

My scores are low and I stand in last position . Only thing I undergo is scoldings from mentor. Intially I submitted my code by pasting from some other external source and had been in safe zone. One thing my mentor made me realise is that I gain nothing by doing so. So I stopped copying and started nothing which makes me stand in again same position. One of the thing that hit me hard on my face is by seeing the confidence and courage of other mates who are doing problems on their own. I know that confidence is more than enough to live under any circumstances. I was one of them long back and now I feel ashamed of myself to think in a position where I stand.

Some gut feeling inside me is trying to eat me from inside. I want to change but that change is constant. I have to work because I can work. I must work because there is no other alternative. One of the review meeting made me to introspect me. I should work hard for myself. I keep on escaping from everything else. I can withstand in it once I get out of this feeling. I am one of the kind who tries to motivate others but lacking behind in self motivation. I can and I will.

The greatest battle that I am having right now is fighting with myself. I should come out it and face it. I will start working from now because I should never regret for doing so. I never had a feel of feeling regret in future but now the only time my gut feeling is making me so something. If I fail doing so I will definitely regret it later. Something inside me is trying to warn me. Hope I could make it possible because it’s possible.

Global Diplomacy: The United Nations.

  • The name “United Nations” appears true only in books but in reality it seems like a contest for nations to prove their dominance and power individually. The diplomacy comes off to be biased. The World today is owned by corporate and the UN follows through. The actual role of united nations should be to rise above the competition and work as ONE UNITED PLANET towards climate change, global pandemic, poverty and financial slavery.

Though it is non-arguable that UN has helped bring forward issues like Women Empowerment, Poverty, Health, Education, etc. on a global platform. The real question is, are these issues solved or they have been piled upon by newer issues day by day.

But on a positive note, the UN has made progress in its peace making strategies and providing financial and healthcare aids to the countries in need. If not for this organisation then there would have not been a diplomatic relationship between nations and war would be the ultimate solution to all inter-nation problems.

Just because a medicine has side-effects does not mean it cannot be used for treating the illness in hand. Similarly, it is easy for anybody to make war but only the united front can make peace and prosperity!

  • The UN came from the minds of some of the renowned politicians of the western countries. When the super power nations felt their security and peace was under threat they collaborated with like-minded ones against the equally powerful nations. Powerful only in military and vengeance and the greed to conquer. According to human psychology (basic), a man desires power more than water for thirst.

From all the glorifications I read about this organisation, UN rose from the ashes of the war like a phoenix bird. Very beautiful and powerful bird- a phoenix-their tears have healing powers. One can say that United Nations came into existence to act as the panacea to diseases like violence, death and fading humanity.

But is the origin really important to determine its worth in the present scenario is something to ponder upon. Today UN works for a cause which it was originally built upon; irrespective of its results, – promotion of peace with its symbol the white dove soaring high, its wings flapping, freeing itself from the shackles of slavery of power, money, greed and hate.

Born in times of desperate times it can be regarded as an invention by man in the time of dire need. As we all know – “NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ALL INVENTIONS!”

  • The UN Security Council consists of 5 permanent members and 10 temporary members all with a right to vote however only the permanent five have the right to veto. The word itself suggests that the council was made to resolve the security concerns of nations and to make peace among them.

 Today, the Council responds to three types of situations:

  • (1) chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear weapons proliferation; (2) international conflict; and (3) intra-state conflict. More recently, the Council has also developed a (4) cross-cutting and (5) quasi-legislative agenda.

The above decisions and powers in the hands of the council sounds safe however it is not the situation in reality. There has to be an expansion of the members instead of giving all the authority in the hands of the few. This will help in avoidance of partiality or constant disagreement that has been happening since the council has been formed. Though it has never successfully managed to make any notable reforms , it is one of our best option to resolve the security threats and war like situations in many countries and their estranged borders.

  • Human rights are the rights we are all entitled to irrespective of the place of birth or the time of birth. The core of United Nations is built upon the protection and service towards human rights and its associated freedoms. However due to international politics and superpower nations greed to stay on top of others and world domination has endangered the human rights of developing and under developed nations. Human rights have become a selective freedom provided to only those who can afford it without any restrictions. In my country citizens think that they are not worthy of having human rights as they think only the rich and developed nations are fortunate enough to have human rights that too the basic one’s. In recent events of racism ad discrimination on the basis of colour and financial status, what is the united nations enforcing laws to stop the fights  to avail basic human rights. People have to come on streets and protest later developing into riots in order to practise their rights and enjoy the freedom of being born as a human on this planet.
  • The united nations in the past has failed in crisis management because of the disagreement between it’s member nations and security councils. Due to the interference of the security council the  situation was aggravated rather than being put out or quite down. Rather than focusing on the crisis at hand it focuses on the political relations of that country with the members of the united nations and then it takes the necessary actions that too not quick or decisive but slow and of poor quality. However by putting the past back the united nations can improve on its crisis management skills by being in constant touch with the country and states local administration and education people on a personal and more localised manner rather than representing it as a political agenda or foreign policy which puts the civilians in a mind-set of confusion and feeling of unsafe and non trustable environment.
  • Today a question arises on the future of the United Nations and will it still prevail in the modern world where people are becoming rather too aware and will want a more secular council, one which works one which provides solutions, one which is actually true to its purpose of being formed.
  • During the 2020 Global Pandemic the true face of UN is being put to test and how it acts now to maintain peace among nations will say a lot about its existence in the future or will it be left to be just pages in history textbooks.

Just wishing for once if we had leaders who cared about the upliftment of the entire nation and not just the name of their political agenda and parties. The world needs educated and selfless leaders and hopefully in the future with my generation in the front we will represent a better council than these old ways and barbaric wars.

6 Ways to Improve Concentration

Source: Google

Concentration is very important to get success in different spheres of life. Concentration is a process of taking off your mind from other things and putting them on one. Many things around us distract us from doing the needful. Now let’s know about 10 ways to increase concentration 

Decide the thing on which you want to focus

Many times we remain unsure about the fact that on which we want to focus. Firstly decide on which you want to focus on. Fix your goal. It happens that we sit to do something important and end up doing something else. So, be careful and well structured about what you want to do.

Have coffee 

Caffeinated beverages can leave a positive impact on your concentration and lead you to stay focused. One has to take the beverages in moderation so that caffeine’s cognitive enhancing properties can get. But if one drinks too much of it can end up having anxieties, nervousness, etc.

Remove distractions 

When you start to do something different distractions come. To get rid of such problems, you can move to a quiet area and bring your concentration back. The closing door of your office room or your study room and telling others not to disturb you can help. Moreover, one of the most distracting tools is mobile. So, if you can turn all your notifications and programming apps off, it will help a lot.

Fuel yourself 

Hunger and anger are the deadened combination. People do mistakes when they are hangry. Try to balance healthy facts curbs, protein, and keep yourself fueled. Have snacks, veggies, and plenty of water to keep yourself full and hydrated accordingly. Don’t skip meals. Always keep yourself fueled so that your brain can stay focused and your energy level remains up always.

Get enough sleep

Not getting enough sleep with a week can leave a negative impact on your life. It can hamper your short and long term memory. For the aged 18-60 years 7 hours or lore, a night of night sleep is important. Older adults may need 9 hours per night. Avoid caffeinated beverages after lunch, keep the bedroom cool and quiet, read the book, or listen to music, switch off all electronic devices. These all might help to have a good sleep which consequently helps to bring better concentration.

Pomodoro technique

Work can be done quickly if one stays focus. But it is not easy to do. One can try the Pomodoro technique while wrestling with concentration. One can set a timer and get to work. If any notification comes to fix 5 mins to check, then get back to your work setting the alarm. Once you are done with all your work take a break of 25-30 mins.

There are many ways through which concentration can be increased. The setting goal, putting social media off, taking short mental vacations, making a list or work plan, etc. Even taking similar tasks can help to be concentrated, because most of the time jumping from one work to another doesn’t work well. One psychological report says multitasking can reduce productivity as much as 40 percent. So, it is important to follow some tricks to stay focused and get success.